Category Archives: Uncategorized

Healthy is Awful

You might hate it. It might never get easier. You might despise every second of it. You might spend every day wishing you didn’t have to. You might hate every bite of that salad, and begrudge every drop of sweat.

It gets easier.

But sometimes it doesn’t.

It will become a habit.

And you may still fight it every single day.

You might never, ever enjoy a salad instead of a burger. You might never want to get up early and get sweaty.

And by you, I mean me.

And maybe…maybe that’s ok. Maybe by embracing that it’s just always going to be a struggle, it won’t feel so bad.

They say there’s glory in the finish, but what about the strength it takes to begin…again.*

If I keep expecting it to get easier and it never does, then I just feel like a constant failure. If I accept that it’s always, always going to suck and it keeps sucking…at least I knew it. And if I’m wrong and somewhere down the line it gets better, that’s just a bonus.

Their words and thoughts were so clear, they became real. By soaking their thoughts, they brought the world into existence.**

Maybe? Maybe not. But in any case, it’s time to settle in. It’s time to do the work, not because it’s so much fun or so very fulfilling, but because it’s worth doing.

———————————————————————

*Under Armour commercial
**Crash Course Mythology #2 – Mayan Creation Myth

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7

Baby girl. You’re seven today.

Seven.

Not days, or weeks, or months, but seven whole years. And they’ve been such wonderful years. You’ve taught me about the world, ignited my inner science geek, and made everything brighter.

You’ve challenged me to be a better mother, and I’ve learned to fight for what you need most. Every day I learn more about how to raise a gifted, highly sensitive kid.

You make my world better. You see the world in a way that helps me remember that life is awesome. You’re endlessly curious, amazingly creative, and tender-hearted beyond compare.

Because of you, this year we’ve:
– gone to Kennedy Space Center
– read a million books
– become vegetarians
– walked a family 5K
– explored the Everglades
– met Chewbacca
– visited the train museum
– cosplayed at ComicCon

And so very much more. You continue to make our world a brighter place, and I’m so lucky to have you. You fill a place in m my heart no one else could fill.

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Adventures in Achilles Tendonitis

Last Friday, I finally went to the doctor after a super painful tearing feeling in my heel left me with consistent foot pain. Per the podiatrist, I have a small tear in my Achilles tendon, a whole lot of swelling, and something that’s probably a bone spur but could be a crystal built up from too much uric acid.

The treatment? Rest. Ice. A blood test to determine the answer to the spur/crystal debate. A corticosteroid to decrease the inflammation and give things a chance to heal. And, once the pain passes, regular yoga to keep things loose, warm, and stretched out. Oh, and a doctor’s order to stop wearing cheap, unsupportive shoes.

What caused it? Increased bootcamp and running alongside nearly no yoga. Age. Bad luck. All of the above and a sprinkle of who knows.

What am I doing? Well…not what I should. Since Friday I’ve done no yoga. I didn’t pick up my steroid until today. I went to the zoo on Sunday and walked all over the place, even after my foot started hurting. I’ve been using cold packs at night, and wearing braces or compression socks. I got supportive shoes for work. The things I’m doing right are helping, but they aren’t outpacing the things I’m doing wrong.

So I’m committing to doing what my body needs. I’m taking the month off from bootcamp, resting and wrapping as needed. I’m wearing good shoes with braces all the time. I start my steroid tomorrow, and will call to schedule my blood test. I’ll ask for orthotics when I go back to the podiatrist next week. I’ll take my medicine like a pro, and once the pain passes I’ll stretch like I should.

It turns out I’m a terrible patient, and awfully stubborn. I don’t like not being able to do what I want, feeling weak, or being limited. BUT it’s time to do the right thing so I can heal completely, or I’ll end up even more injured than before.

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Camp Gladiator, Day 1

Oh hey.

I’m back. Hopefully more consistently. I finally have my hormones balanced, and I’m starting to feel better. I have more energy, more balance, more happiness. I had WAY too little testosterone, and fixing that issue is already well worth the (fairly easy) procedure.

As my hormones went downhill–and it took me nearly two years to realize that was what was wrong–energy and motivation got harder and harder. I felt sad nearly all the time, constantly craved crappy snacks, and had ZERO motivation to get off the couch. I fell quickly out of the habit, and it’s been months since I even did yoga regularly.

So now it’s time to pull myself out of that, and if I don’t do it now I’ll settle into this new no movement habit for good. So, perhaps despite my better judgement, I signed up for a promo deal for Camp Gladiator.

From the CG website: “Camp Gladiator is more than a fitness boot camp, it’s an experience. Created by American Gladiator Grand Champion Ally Davidson, Camp Gladiator has become the fastest growing and most dynamic fitness program in the nation. Camp Gladiator is a four week adult fitness boot camp that promises a motivating and challenging environment where men and women of all ages and fitness levels can push themselves. Campers should expect a total body workout. A typical session could include interval training, sprint and agility drills, stations, plyometrics, body weight strength drills, cardio mix, and much more. Camp Gladiator is designed to increase your functional strength, speed, stamina and, most importantly, to deliver results.”

Tonight was my first workout. I was super hesitant to try it out because my schedule makes it so hard to consistently make any workout happen…but I did it. And? Here’s the truth.

In the car, driving home: I was the fattest, slowest, and weakest. I was embarrassed and sad. I felt awful and nauseous. It was the worst thing ever. I don’t think I ever want to go back. I could only do maybe a third of the exercises that they gave, and even those I did so slowly that I managed maybe one round when everyone else did four. I know I’m not supposed to compare myself, but this was completely disheartening. I feel awful.

1 hour later: I feel a lot less awful and more hopeful. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself. Maybe I need to really put on my blinders and focus on only me. I need to fuel better before, hydrate better during, and get the right modifications in place.

3 hours later: I’m really proud of myself for going. I know I have a lot to gain from sticking with this for the six weeks I signed up for. I’m in this to make myself stronger, and not for any other reason. I have nothing to prove, nobody to impress, and so much to gain.

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FitBloggin Recap – Part 4 (The Truth)

Here it is, friends. My FINAL FitBloggin recap post. I’ve talked about the logistics, the things I learned, and the people who moved me. So now it’s time for the rest of it. The deep stuff. The things it took me weeks to really wrap my head around, and that I’m still sifting through.

I’ve settled in to write this post over and over again, and I keep just getting a few sentences out before it all dries up again. It’s so much to process, so much to consider, so much to think about. I’m not even sure how to structure it all, really, so I think I’ll just jump in with the big lessons and takeaways I got from FitBloggin, and a few of the things that have really resonated with me since then.

I’ve made the right environment to fix the inside stuff. I’ve been working hard for years now to settle in, to right my head, to move with love. I’m learning to embrace my strengths, to live more and more in the now, and to really listen. I’m not always perfect–nowhere near, in fact–but I’m making continuous progress and enjoying the chance to connect to ME a little more every day. So…

It’s time I honor myself, start believing in my own power. I need to make space for real belief in myself, to allow myself to really dig through and meet my needs. How do I do that?

Do what makes you happy. That’s where it starts. Find my joy, do the things that light me up and make me feel wonderful. Yoga, meditation, long walks in the sunlight. Fresh food, indulgent sweets, and clean, cold water. But it goes deeper than that, I think. There’s more work for me to do.

I discovered it in savasana, during my go-to yoga move, the Savasana Weep. Yep, I cry in savasana. Just about every time. It’s something about the release, the realization that–just for that moment–the Earth will hold me and I don’t have to do anything at all. Settling into the final pose of my last yoga class, the instructor prompted me to let my body relax, let my thoughts go, and if there was an answer I was looking for, to listen for it. I couldn’t think of a question I needed answering, but an answer came all the same.

I have what I give. The same phrase, over and over again. I have what I give. I have what I give. It didn’t entirely make sense, but I couldn’t shake the idea of it. After a lot more thought, a fair amount of emotional upheaval, and meditation, I found some clarity in two distinct parts.

I have what I give…myself permission to have. I have time to dedicate to myself if I give myself permission to do so. Time to eat right, to sleep more, to write more. There is time enough for all of the things I NEED to do for my health and happiness, if I only give myself the permission, the right, the RESPECT to do so.

I have what I give…to others. I may not have much, but there is always something to give. My time, my love, my patience. My words, my skills, my support. We don’t have much money…but there’s a lot more to give. So I’ll offer up my yoga challenges, my blog, my ear, my shoulder…whatever I can to make a difference for someone else, no matter how small.

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Blue Apron Review

BlueapronThanks to the recommendation of more than one friend, I finally grabbed a free box code from Blue Apron and signed up for it.

Essentially, the service delivers a box of food to your door—2 meals or 4 per box—with 3 recipes (including pictures) that walk you through how to put your meals together. You do get some recipe options, but choosing some options will take others off the table, which I was a little frustrated by.

In the end, we ended up with Chicken Picatta, Cheese Stromboli, and Salmon Burgers. The food that came looked good enough, but the recipes were hard to follow and not always in logical order for someone who isn’t a cook.

There was a TON of preparation involved, which was pretty irritating for me. Grocery shopping isn’t the time-consuming issue that stops me from cooking. Chopping vegetables, shredding cooked proteins…THAT is what I don’t want to do. Spending twenty minutes chopping kale was no fun.

All in all, each recipe took well over an hour from start to finish, which is much longer than I want a “quick and easy” meal to be. The food tasted…like I bought it at Target. The quality was mediocre at best.

So in short, incredibly unimpressed. I could buy the same quality of food (and have to do the same prep) for a lot less money. I so a

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#wycwyc month

If there’s one thing I learned from FitBloggin, it’s that it’s time to give myself credit for what I AM doing. It’s time to make the most of things, to take baby steps, to do WHAT I CAN WHEN I CAN. (If you click on the picture, it’s an Amazon affiliate link to the amazing book)

And the thing is? It’s not even a new idea for me. In mid-May I started keeping a #wycwyc journal in the Notes app on my phone. It’s not much, and some days there are only 1 or 2 entries to log, but it’s been keeping my mindful of all that I do well, every choice I make that does my mind and body good.

So here is my #wycwyc journal from May 18th through June 30th. I’m proud of the small ways I’m making good choices. And you know what? You should be too. Own the good things. Celebrate the small moments. Find joy in the things you’ve done well. Let that joy carry you forward, and you’ll find yourself making the choices you hope for with just a little more ease.

If you’re so inclined, here’s everything I’ve taken pride in doing, eating, sweating over for the past month or more…

#wycwyc5/18
– Down 66 steps
– 10 squats
– 10 counter push-ups
– Down 66 steps
– 1mi walk
– 30 jumping jacks

5/19
– Down 66 steps
– 15 squats
– 15 counter push-ups
– Down 66 stairs
– 10 fence-steppers per side
– 2 forward, 1 back down the stairs
– 10 tricep dips
– crawl hop up the stairs
– 2 forward, 1 back up the stairs
– In bed at 10pm

5/20
6am meditation
– 20 shoulder rolls
– 5min neck stretches
– 1hr lunchtime yoga
– Down 66 stairs

5/21
– 5:30am meditation
– 20 calf raises
– Down 66 stairs
9pm bedtime

5/22
– Down 66 stairs
– 20 calf raises
– 10 squats
– Down 66 stairs

5/23
– walk to Saturday market
– eggplant and stuffed peppers

5/24
– 8am meditation
– swimming
– downtown walk

5/25
– 10 squats
– 20 calf raises
– 10 bathroom bar push-ups
– 10 fence-steppers per side
– 2 forward, 1 back down the stairs
– lean chicken & eggplant for dinner

5/26
– 6am meditation
– banana snack
– lunch: maple water, spinach, protein powder, chia seed smoothie
– 20 calf raises
– floaty feet
– 10 squats
– snack: pretzels and grapes
– down 66 stairs
– floaty feet
– 30 minutes of yoga
– 15 push-ups

5/27
– 6:30 meditation
– 2hr swim
– healthy lunch

5/28
– down 66 steps
– floaty feet
– 10 squats
– floaty feet
– 10 squats
– down 66 steps
– 20 squats
– last parking space
9:20 bed

5/29
– 6am meditation
6:30am 30min yoga
– 20 squats
– down 66 steps
– 20 squats
– down 66 steps
– 10 stair calf raises
– 10 squats
– 10 calf raises
– 15 counter push-ups
– 20 squats
– floaty feet
– down 66 steps

5/30
– split dinner

5/31
– 2.3mi walk
– 30min yoga
– 100 squats

6/1
– meditation
– down 66 steps
– 20 calf raises
– floaty feet
– spinach, banana, protein powder, maple water, blueberry smoothie
– 30 counter push-ups
– down 66 steps
– 20 counter push-ups
– 20 mod push-ups
– 20 lower stair push-ups
– 10 footboard push-ups
– 20min yoga

6/2
– lunch salad
– down 66 steps
– 30min walk
– 10 fence steppers per side
– down 66 steps
– 2 up, 1 down up the stairs

6/3
– 50min MEGAFORMER
– down 66 steps

6/4
– healthy dinner

6/5
– 50min MEGAFORMER
– down 132 steps

6/6
– small breakfast
– hydrated

6/7
– 50min MEGAFORMER
– GoMacro bar

6/8
– 530am meditation
– down 66 steps
– 20 calf raises
– floaty feet
– 10 squats
– 110 steps while on hold
– lunch smoothie
– down 66 steps

6/9
– 5am meditation
– 530 yoga
– 2/3 banana, pb, granola tortilla
– lunch protein bowl
– down 132 steps
– down 66 steps
– dinner smoothie: 1/2 banana, 1/2 avocado, peach, almond milk, protein, spinach

6/10
– 5am meditation
– 530 strength yoga
– 20 calf raises
– 10 squats
– 20 counter push-ups
– floaty feet
– down 66 steps
– dinner smoothie: banana, butternut squash, almond milk, protein, spinach

6/11
– 20 calf raises
– 10 squats
– 10 counter push-ups
– lunch salad
– 10 squats
– 12 counter push-ups
– down 66 steps
– macro bar dinner
– 930 bedtime

6/12
– 5am yoga
– down 67 steps

6/13
– slept in
– healthy lunch
6pm yoga/meditation

6/14
– healthy dinner
– standing ab workout
– cry

6/15
– 5am yoga
– 530 meditation
– lunch smoothie
– retry MFP
– light dinner

6/16
– 530 meditate
– down 132 steps
– light dinner

6/17
– 530 yoga
6am meditation
– down 66 steps
– haven’t killed anyone
– light dinner

6/18
– 530 yoga/meditation
– down 198 steps

6/19
– 530 yoga/meditation
– down 66 steps

6/20
– 1.8mi walk
– sundial yoga, 1hr
– light lunch
– nap

6/21
– 9am yoga/meditation

6/22
– 530 yoga/meditation
– down 132 steps
– 10 squats

6/23
– 530 meditation
– down 198 steps
– smoothie dinner

6/24
– 6am meditation
– down 66 steps

6/25
– 5am yoga/meditation
– banana, oatmeal, apple
– cheap food stuffs
– 9k+ steps (travel walking)
– ALL THE HUGS

6/26
– 2mi walk
6am yoga
10am Zumba
– fashion show
– giant salad
– therapeutic cry
– 25k+ steps
– MOAR HUGS

6/27
– morning stretches
– rooftop yoga
– meditation class
– healthy dinner
– much needed social time
– HUGS HUGS HUGS

6/28
– rest day
– goodbye hugs
– kid cuddles

6/29
– easy morning
– Starbucks
– down 66 steps
– light dinner

6/30
– slept until 7am
– working remote

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Want A Free Month of Gwynnie Bee?

You guys. Seriously. I’ve spent months (years?) watching friends like Emmie and Jennifer try out some really lovely fashion from Gwynnie Bee.

Gwynnie Bee is a clothing rental subscription service catering to women sizes 10–32. Enjoy unlimited free shipping and exchanges for a flat monthly fee.

When I saw a code from Jennifer for a free month, I figured it was high time I tried it out. I’ve been trying to embrace a better style, something that makes me look and feel beautiful instead of just comfortable.

I spent a LONG time going through all of the options and filling up my closet, and I was super excited to get my first box! I’ve had the subscription for less than a month now, and my FOURTH box is already on it’s way to me.

I’ve had a really good time trying everything on, and I’ve already found one dress and top that I loved enough to buy right away. Two other dresses were nice enough to wear to work, and one of them might be purchased soon too.

What do you think?

So essentially, I’m having a ball with the options, and loving the chance to try on all kinds of things that I might never try otherwise. I’m pushing my fashion boundaries, and finding incredible things that make me feel amazing.

Want to try it for your own free month? Click here and sign up!

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Halfathon Recap

Hey, guess what?

I DID A HALF MARATHON!!!!!!

It was…pretty awesome. I felt good the morning of the race, and Dacia and I found a place to park quickly. I’d talked to the race director about starting early but never got confirmation, and when I got there I couldn’t find someone to ask. In the end, I started at 7:05 with the other walkers, and that turned out fine. If I’d started earlier it would have been in the dark anyway, so I think it was probably a good plan overall.

We started out strong and fast, and overall I ended up maintaining a faster pace than I had on any of my training walks. I felt good for the most part too. I struggled around mile 8, when I was feeling wonky and also started getting some serious blister pain. At that point there was nothing I could do about the blisters, and I know now that the issue is the socks I wore. Lesson learned. Don’t wear new socks…

I did eat as I went, sticking to Gu and Clif Blocks and that sort of thing because they were small enough to fit into my race belt. I had the first Gu around mile 4, and then every 2-3 miles after that I had something. I also think I should have had protein for breakfast (I had coffee and two bananas) because it might have helped the wonky feeling that came and went after mile 8.

Still, I finished strong and happy. I was a little bit sad because the husband and kid were trying desperately to get there, but got stuck in traffic and missed me crossing the finish line. Another lesson learned. Spectators should get there a lot earlier if they want to see you finish. It worked out alright though, because Erik got video of my crossing and we showed it to the kid later. I crossed with a smile, then cried like a baby for a minute or two.

Man, I was SO not expecting the race to be so emotional! There were volunteers holding signs along the course with all sorts of inspirational messages on them. I got pictures of a few of them, but not the most impactful ones because I was busy not crying. One right around mile 8/9 said Be Brave, and it was right when I was struggling and it just felt…yeah, like it was for me. I kept thinking OMG I’M DOING THIS and the closer we got to the finish line the more amazing it seemed.

I did it. I wore the wrong socks, and I stopped to sit down too quickly after I finished, but I did it. I could barely walk the rest of the day (skipped stretching too, unintentionally). I was SO worried about Monday since I tend to have 24-48 hour delays in soreness, but I was a little better on Monday and nearly back to normal by Tuesday morning. The blisters are still twinging a little, but I’m keeping them clean and tossing on some Neosporin now and again, so they seem to be healing just fine.

So: no new socks, should have stretched, don’t stop walking when you’re done, have spectators in place earlier.

Also: Am amazing. Did the thing.

Seriously. I stuck with thirteen weeks of training. It’s the first time I’ve ever stuck with a training plan and seen it to the end. Even if I’d crawled across the finish line after six days, I would have called it a victory just for that. I finished last in my age group, and 905/913 overall. And I couldn’t be more proud of that. I set out to do the race, I trained for it, and I felt strong when I finished.

And yes, I want to do another one. I’ve got my sights set on Space Coast next year, since that gives me nearly a year to train. My plan is to redo my training plan with more yoga and strength included, and then do it a third time with a focus on speed.

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Will Race for Beer

I can’t believe it’s already October. I can’t believe I’m scrambling to find Halloween costumes and book Thanksgiving flights and we’re starting to think about Christmas.

Now that we’re in Florida, fall feels pretty anticlimactic. All it’s meant so far is a little less heat and some slightly cool mornings. It’s kind if weird, honestly, but the heat backing down a little is making it easier to keep up with longer walks for my half training. It means I’m having a wonderful time this month earning my gorgeous Oktoberfest medals from Jost Running.

The October medals are gorgeous and have built in bottle openers that make perfect tools for a post-race beer! Registrations benefit Midwest Food Bank. I know people hesitate with virtual races because the race atmosphere isn’t there, but for me it’s a great way to reward the training I’m doing anyway. Plus it means never having to miss my limited family time because of a scheduled race. Still want a little race environment? Make it an event of your own! Get your friends and family together to make your own race. Rope in your church group, book club, parents group.

It’s well worth it. My Jost medals are by far the best ones I have. They’re bigger and better designed than most of my official race medals. Get in on it too and help benefit charity while getting your race on!

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