Category Archives: Sociopath

In Which I Explain Catcalling to my Kid

Last week the kid had a dentist appointment, which meant we were done with work and school a little earlier than usual. Left with a couple of extra hours in the day, we headed to the library to return some books and pick out a few more. At which point I found myself in the decidedly irritating position of having to explain catcalling to my six year old.

A group of 20-something guys, 2 or 3 of them, were hanging out in the library parking lot smoking. Whether it was that or something else that set me a little on edge, I don’t know. But the moment I got out of the car it started.

Hey, beautiful.

Smile for me, pretty.

Hey, miss thing.

Hello? Come on mama.

I ignored it, wrapped her in my arms, and carried her into the library. Which isn’t something I’d normally do, but I already didn’t feel safe I guess. We got all the way through the doors before she said anything. She’s a perceptive kid.

Why were they saying that stuff, Mommy? Why didn’t they stop when you didn’t answer them? Why do they think you need to smile?

And there it was. Me, standing in a public library children’s section, explaining catcalling to my daughter. Explaining that it’s not about attraction or kindness, but about power. Explaining that men who can’t or won’t pick up on the cues that you’re uncomfortable are, for better or worse, something we have to be afraid of. Explaining that it’s happened to me for most of my life.

Will boys say things to me too like that?

Yes, honey. Probably.

Should I ignore them?

Mommy? What if they get angry because I won’t answer them?

What if they do? I had to admit it was a possibility. I told her I’ve generally had decent luck with ignoring catcalls, that it’s more than once brought on an onslaught of insults but I’ve been lucky enough to never come to harm.

Find a safe place, I told her. Go into a business. Stay where people are. Get on the phone and call the cops. Call me. Make noise. Be seen.

Protect yourself. You aren’t a prize to be won, an object to be controlled. You don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t owe strangers a smile, and you don’t have to be “polite” or make other people happy, particularly when they’re busy making you uncomfortable.

It was a necessary conversation, I guess, but one I never thought I’d be having with my elementary schooler. I guess it’s good that I did. She hasn’t talked about it again since. She needs to sit with things for a while. I’ll be interested to see, in a few days or weeks, what bubbles up.

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What I Want Her To Know

31 things to teach your daughter I want MY kid to know:

1. How to give a firm handshake.
2. To never wear clothes with something written across the butt that make you feel uncomfortable or fake.
3. A man will never treat a woman better than he treats his mom. Pay attention to how the guys treat their moms, and run from the ones who aren’t respectful. Choose a partner who makes you feel respected and safe, and who inspires you to be your best self.
4. Look people in the eye when you talk to them. Cultivate confidence and self-love, which in turn will radiate love of others.
5. People will judge you by what you say. “I was like, um, totally!” does not qualify as a sentence. Express yourself with confidence and joy.
6. People will judge you by what you wear. Show respect for yourself (and see #2). Screw what people think, because they will find a reason to judge you if they’re so inclined. Be proud of who you are.
7. How to change a tire.
8. How to throw a football. lose yourself in physical movement in a way that brings you peace.
9. Don’t be afraid to use your voice – sometimes it’s the most powerful thing you have, and power is not determined so much by volume, as it is by passionate and consistent communication with respect.
10. Basic self defense – be able to get out of a situation, and run fast. And use that powerful voice.
11. Teach them how to apologize well, ask for help when needed, and that anger is more harmful to the person who harbors it than to who it’s directed at. How to apologize with grace when you’re genuinely at fault, how to stick to your guns without being mean, and how confidence means knowing when to ask for help.
12. What’s in the magazine is photoshopped. Confidence is more attractive than size 2 jeans. Women come in all shapes and sizes. Learn to love your body for the amazing things it does for you every day, and make your food/movement decisions out of love and respect for that amazing, powerful body of yours.
13. Laughter can diffuse many a challenging situation. Especially when you can laugh at yourself.
14. Block out the voices. Not every opinion is worth listening to – listen to the ones that matter, and learn whose opinion you’ll allow to shape your thoughts.
15. Advertising is full of hidden agendas. Don’t fall for it. “Maybe she’s born with it… maybe it’s Maybelline” – really? Maybelline didn’t make her anything she wasn’t born with.
16. How to hit a baseball, throw a punch, and use a compass… or spike a volleyball, roundhouse kick, and use a protractor. Just keep your interests as varied as your beautiful spirit. (Hey, you started out with robots, dinosaurs, and planets and just yesterday declared yourself a doctor scientist astronaut.
17. How to write a proper thank you letter, and how to type…even if you type with four fingers like your Mom.
18. How to manage money.
19. Appreciate the little things (and little refers to more than diamonds and pearls). Appreciate the small gestures in life that make you feel most at peace and in balance.
20. Read often and much. Read works of classic and contemporary literature, fiction and nonfiction. Don’t be ashamed of what you love to read, no matter what anyone else says about it’s quality.
21. Walk in someone else’s shoes. Volunteer for a cause that you feel passionate about.
22. Listen well, both for what’s being said, and for what’s being omitted. Learn to think critically and reason for yourself.
23. Dream big, and set realistic incredible, boundless goals. You can accomplish more than you think you can.
24. Girls can do most things as well as boys can, in general. But know your personal limits, what your own strengths and weaknesses are. Once you know them you can use them to your advantage. Know your strengths and play to them. Acknowledge your weaknesses and work with them. Cultivate radical self-love.
25. Most things worth having or worth doing require sacrifice. Know what you’re willing to sacrifice, and for what.
26. No regrets. Learn from the past, but don’t dwell on what could have been.
27. Just because it’s never been done doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Push the limits.
28. Basic sewing skills. Find joy in crafting, even if you suck at it…. paint or draw or sew or knit, take photographs or make collages… whatever lets you create.
29. How to handle herself online – using good be aware of online privacy, remembering that anything shared can go viral (including pictures in poor taste), and knowing that people online aren’t always who they say they are.
30. Trust your instincts. If it feels wrong, it probably is. Listen to that voice, and don’t silence it.
31. The world isn’t all there is. Rely on God more than you rely on anything else, including yourself. your inner strength and the strength of the people who love you. When all else fails, call your mom and dad. They will hold you up to the last of their strength which, when it comes to you, is boundless. And remember that you’re stronger than you think. 

And a few more, just from me:

  1. If you want to dye your hair a ridiculous color, ask for my help. It’s just hair and it will grow back, but it will turn out infinitely better with someone who can see the back of your head.
  2. Don’t get caught up in what someone else thinks is right for you. You know yourself best (except for maybe me) and what feels right in your heart is probably the best bet.
  3. Don’t lose sight of your heart. It will break, and it will heal, and it will be stronger for it.
  4. If you hate me and your dad, call your Banana.
  5. Move a little every day, in a way that makes your body and your soul feel vibrant and strong. There is no right way.
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Mechanic chicks and fairy boys…

Recycling a post from an old group blog, because I came across some of my favorites…

Zoot had a great post today about gender and kids.  She talks about how great everyone thinks it is when her little girl, who is fond of pink tutus and princess dresses, wants to play sports or use her brother’s tool set.  But then she hesitates to post or talk about it when her younger son wants his toenails painted, or wants to be like his sister and wear his own fairy costume and tiara.

I think this is all too common in this country.  When you walk down any toy aisle it’s painfully clear.  You can see the girl toys from a mile away… a swath of pink and frilly made up of purses, dolls, makeup, and dresses.  And the boys?  Camo, trucks, and tools.  But why?  And why is it alright for girls to break out of gender roles and embrace their love of tools or cars or spaceships, but when a boy wants to dress up like Princess Jasmine people are uncomfortable?

The original feminist movement has done a lot to open minds and hearts in this country, giving women the right to do more than work outside the home.  Now women are (hopefully) encouraged to make whatever choice makes them happy, and women who fill traditional male roles like firefighters, soldiers, and mechanics are seen as strong, butt kicking role models.

But what about the reverse?  Although stay-at-home dads are frequently likened to saints for their choice to take on a traditionally female role, I don’t see anyone applauding men who choose to be hairdressers, ballet dancers, or nurses as paragons of their gender, pioneers who are stretching the boundaries of gender definitions.  Instead, everyone thinks they’re gay.

Statistically speaking, one or two of those men probably are gay, but not because they chose a “girl” job.  Why are men still encouraged to be the epitome of testosterone fueled, emotionally closed HeMan types while woman are (at least mostly) being cheered for their breakthrough efforts to reclaim what it means to be a woman by becoming CEOs, construction workers, and surgeons?

Right now, my daughter’s favorite toy is a tool set.  She’s played with it so much that the batteries died yesterday as she hammered away in a dress and pink tutu.  For me, I’d hope the scene was exactly the same if she’d been a boy.  After all, pink used to be a boy’s color and women warriors are just cool.  Why do we care what our kids wear or play with?  Why can’t we just let them explore whatever interests them and see where it takes them?

In the end, I’d rather have a happy child who feels free to play with all the toys, wear what she likes, and think of the world without the black and white filters the adults put on it.  But it’s easy for me, right?  I have a girl.  I also have two younger brothers, who were routinely dressed up by my sister and I in jewelry and makeup and dresses.  One is a military police officer and the other is a firefighter/EMT.  Both are smart, well adjusted boys who were not warped by the time they posed (happily, I might add) in full girly regalia for pictures.

Do you have boys?  Would you let them wear pink or dresses?  In public?

(See the original post and comments here)

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Uberlist 2013

New Years BokehFirst, a review of my 2012 list.

  1. Two REAL, childless dates with my husband – done! We took a day off and went to the movies, and then spent an unexpectedly good day together on my colonoscopy day.
  2. 300 miles logged – According to DailyMile, I logged 505 miles this year!
  3. 4+ days of exercise every week (allowing a few weird weeks) – I am sure I could look back and figure this out exactly, but I feel good about the frequency of my workouts overall.
  4. Increase fruits & veggies – Definitely did this one, thanks to some great cooking!
  5. Decrease sugar intake – I was successful with this sometimes, but overall didn’t back away from the sugar enough, which is why I’ll be giving up desserts entirely in January.
  6. Read five of the 100+ books I have sitting in my study – Yeah… not so much.
  7. Improve my career by either finding a traditional full-time job or improving my freelance situation – Did that for sure!
  8. Run/walk at least two charity events – I did the Warrior Dash for St Judes, but never got a second event in.
  9. Pay off one credit card or other debt source – Nope.
  10. Take more pictures – I walked a fine balance here between living more and still documenting. I’m happy with this one.
  11. Spend some time studying my Italian – I think I studied maybe twice through the whole year…
  12. WARRIOR DASH – just finish it! – I did so much more than finish! I conquered.
  13. Spend more than 12 hours in NYC – Not even close. I’ll be spending about 6 hours in Philly this January though…
  14. Make at least five recipes from my Pinterest vault – Oh yes! Our favorites:

2013 Please Be AwesomeFor 2013, I’ll be focusing on monthly goals instead of setting a whole year’s worth of goals right now.

JANUARY    

I’ll also be hoping to get in a date day with Aaron at least every other month, see my family at least twice, and take Evi on an adventure to do something cool and out of the ordinary. I’ll be participating in this year’s Warrior Dash again too!

 

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13 Questions for the New Year

I couldn’t resist the chance to reflect on some great questions that will help me focus on a singular purpose for the new year. LOVE. Love for myself above all. To help me focus on that goal, and to frame the ways in which I’ll be best able to keep that goal in mind when setting smaller or more ambiguous goals about food or health or personal time, I thought this was a perfect set of questions.

Light13 Questions for the New Year

1. Because I wanted to make 2013 count, I… am setting a specific goal to love myself more.

2. Because fear of failure was no longer a good enough reason to not do it, in 2013 I… pledged to run a marathon in November.

3. Because I listened to the whispers inside, in 2013 I… will focus more on what I really need.

4. Because the things that brought me joy in childhood still do, in 2013 I… will sing more, dance more, color more, move more.

5. Because simple pleasures are so rich, in 2013 I… will spend more time away from the computer.

6. Because my body has served me so beautifully all these years, in 2013 I… will find a way to save up for at least one Pilates reformer session with the incomparable Diane.

7. Because the world needs my service, in 2013 I… will volunteer, somewhere, somehow, to do something that helps others in need.

8. Because of the remarkable people who have loved me and made me who I am, in 2013 I… will promise to stay open and honest with the people I love, ask for help and support when I need it, and GIVE support at every opportunity.

9. Because I am willing to believe in the power of forgiveness, in 2013 I… will genuinely let go of grudges, big and small, and set free the bitterness that sometimes collects.

10. Because the silence has gone on long enough, in 2013 I….will be more active and vocal in supporting the humanitarian causes that matter to me.

11. Because I am so blessed, in 2013 I… will remember how much I have to be grateful for, particularly on the days when I feel like the Universe has forgotten or mistreated me.

12. Because I vowed to be more radical, in 2013 I… will give up desserts in January, and maybe beyond. I will submit my manuscripts to publishers again.

13. Because I wanted, in the last days of my life, to remember this year with tears of gratitude, in 2013 I… will take risks, speak truths, and hug more people. I will stop measuring my success in the opinions of others.

 

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Live & Grow

11. spend/save [LIVE]: Are you richer or poorer this year, compared to last year?

12. toss [GROW]: 2012 was the last time for ________________

I’m going to answer these quickly, because I have something much more important to talk about today. #11 – I make more money now but feel poorer because I have more stress. #12 – 2012 was the last time for treating myself poorly just because I’m not perfect.

Now on to my real post for today. It’s about beauty, power, and strength.

I had an awesome experience last weekend, thanks to a beautiful friend inviting me to her yoga studio’s open house, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.

I went to my first ever Pilates reformer session. Physically, it was challenging, eye opening, and awesome. I had no idea how much tension I was holding in my hips and hamstrings, and I was super impressed by how much difference even a short twenty minute session made for me. If I could, I’d do sessions weekly or more just to relieve the tension. It was amazing. The instructor was the same woman whose basic pilates class I took at the beginning of the open house, and while I thought she was an absolutely amazing Pilates teacher, it was in the reformer session that I really began to appreciate her incredible talent and skill. Diane made me feel completely comfortable in front of a pretty intimidating (and vaguely medieval) apparatus. She was patient, but also clearly would take no crap, so pretty much exactly what I need in a fitness professional. My body felt worlds better after those twenty minutes.

But here’s the bigger take away. Diane, when showing me the reformer positions, looked like a fricking goddess. Strong, graceful, poised, utterly in tune with her body… it was transformative to watch. I know it sounds weird. But here’s the thing. It was a lesson in perception for me. When I was watching Diane just hang out, she seemed just like everyone else. Not once did I doubt her knowledge or skill, but I wasn’t expecting anything remarkable. And therein I revealed my own unintentional bias, because when she got onto the reformer and started demonstrating the movements for me? It was like watching a perfect ballet. The way she moved was incredible, so natural and flowing, so foreign to the way I move my body most of the time. It called my personal biases front and center and taught them a stern lesson. As it turns out, people… women with bodies “like mine” can be breathtakingly powerful, graceful, feminine, strong.

Which means? So can I.

So thanks, Diane. I hope I see you again on that god awful and secretly awesome reformer sometime soon. (Find Diane in southern MD at Evolve Yoga. And Evolve, if you’re reading? Feel free to hire me for marketing. How about a barter?)

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Oh. Well, huh.

Intimidated

Yesterday I was talking to my coworker about how I’ve been struggling lately. I was trying to point out the when and why of it all, trying to figure out what triggered this slide away from my longest ever successful healthy streak. She is struggling too, so together we came to the conclusion that if we can manage to pull out of this intentional nosedive like RIGHT NOW, we can still call this a successful journey instead of looking at it as yet another failure and restart. After all, life happens. Illness happens. Kids stop sleeping sometimes, work stresses you out, and you eat your face off for a few days and gain five pounds. It happens, and it’s alright.

I figured out something else though, thanks to her. “It was after you came back from that conference,” she said. And then, there, finally, it hit me. Total mental lightning strike.

FitBloggin scared the sh*t out of me. Instead of letting the inspiration and acceptance and love of the conference follow me out of my hotel room and home to my normal life, I let it turn ugly. I let it become a nearly overwhelming sense of inadequacy. I let my head spin it into all of the reasons why I wasn’t as good or strong or successful as all of those amazing people.

I know it’s ridiculous. I didn’t feel that way there.

Oh God. Oh God, I did. I did feel that way there. I didn’t want to feel that way, but the truth is that I did. I listened to every beautiful, inspiring, sad, awesome story… and instead of turning into an inspiration, a reason why I, too, could be successful, I let it fuel my inner critic. I let it magnify. I let it intensify. I let it become a terrible inner voice, an awful and continuous loop, a constant reminder of how many people had done something bigger, better, more.

Softly, quietly, I began to beat myself up inside.

You didn’t lose anywhere near as much, and you don’t even have as many kids.

You ate more than she did. You drank more than he did. I bet they saw you eat that cupcake.

You didn’t go to all the workout sessions. Other people did. Bigger people did. Older people did. But you? You didn’t. You’re lazy.

You could have worked harder. You should have tried harder.

You’re pitiful. You’re a terrible role model.

wrong… bad… lazy… stupid… embarrassing… ridiculous… pitiful…

not strong enough… not dedicated enough… not wanting it enough… not trying enough…

not enough

not. enough.

notenoughnotenoughnotenough

And around and around it went.

Writing it all out like that hurts. It hurts to admit to how I treat myself sometimes. It hurts to see how I internalize every perceived failing. I thought I was pretty far removed from all of that. I thought I’d fixed things inside, that I wouldn’t turn on myself so easily anymore. It took me a month to see it for what it was, to finally put together the pieces of the slowly building wave, find its source, and swim out from under it.

And here I am. Staying ahead of the wave… for now… barely.

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FitBloggin – the Recap

I’m about to unleash an emotional sh*tstorm, so I’ll start with all of the reasons why FitBloggin was INCREDIBLE this year. That way you can skip the emotional crazypants at the end if you want to.

I didn’t get in until late Thursday night, but was surprised to find I had three awesome roommates. Tara, Stephanie, and Karen were all awesome, fun, funny, and adorable. We went to sleep pretty quickly, trying to get ready for a busy Friday.

Friday started with an incredible yoga session, a perfect way to start the weekend for me. Of course, even before that, I started the morning with a giant, super-awesome, running toward one another, EPIC hug from Meegan. It was SO good to meet her and Tara finally. Yoga was perfect and was followed by a crazy delicious muesli courtesy of Weight Watchers.

Then began the most epic six minutes of my life. I did CrossFit for the first time with the awesome team from Reebok, and it KICKED MY BUTT. SO tough, but so much fun too! I partnered up with Amy, and we had an awesome sweaty time.

I went to some morning sessions, had an incredible lunch with Mandi and Lorraine, and then headed to the first Ugly Cry Session of the weekend. It was the Self Acceptance panel run by Karen, Mara, and Shauna. Dude. Listening to everyone’s stories, their fears, their triumphs… it was incredible. It was so powerful, and it opened up every fear and insecurity I’ve ever had. It was therapeutic. There’s an awesome, nearly word-for-word live blog recap here if you want to see what happened for yourself. I left feeling so much less alone, which was beautiful. What I didn’t talk about in the session was how Aodin affected my journey. Even the safest spaces aren’t always safe for talking about that kind of loss…

I did a live blog of the How Much Is Too Much session, which covered under- and over-sharing personal info while blogging, then headed out on a dinner adventure with Jen, Meegan, Tara, Kyra, and a few other awesome girls. We walked forever to discover our intended dinner destination was closed, but at least we got an extra walk out of it.

Friday ended with an INCREDIBLE presentation from Ignite Fitness. My favorite was definitely from Hank, though the presentation from Erin was a close second. I went to bed exhausted and happy after sharing a bottle of Canvas Pinot Grigio with Jen & Kyra and some awesome conversation with Christine, Christy, and Jack.

Saturday was supposed to begin with bootcamp, but I chose sleep instead. After breakfast, I partnered with Jen for a JumpSport Trampoline Fitness class and the best Zumba class ever.

Taught by Sue and Sam, I felt awesome, sexy, and powerful. I felt like I could actually dance a little, I had SO MUCH fun, and I was gross and stinky afterward. Perfect.

A few info sessions, an awesome lunch, and then the second Ugly Cry Session of the weekend happened. Meegan and Tara facilitated the When You Have A Lot To Lose session, which was another beautiful session full of stories, sad and inspiring and wonderful and regrettable. We talked about fears and past issues. Click up there for the live blog of the session.

After the session, I took a break to have dinner with Gail before heading back for the Unilever reception where I had more wine, hung out with Lorraine and Stephanie, and got to talk some with Emmie and Dre.

Sunday I walked the 5K with Meegan and collected the major swag before heading home. It was exhausting and perfect.

Okay, there’s the end of the recap. If that’s all you’re here for, stop now.

 

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W1D3 + Jigglypuff

C25K - Meegan & Me

I finished week 1 of the C25K this week! Honestly, it’s going SO well. I really wasn’t feeling motivated to get the run done today, but I finished it anyway and I felt really good knowing I was done with the first week already. So far the runs feel… a little easy? I’m intentionally not pushing any harder right now though, because I know it’s going to get harder quickly. In fact, in the shower this morning I had a mini panic attack thinking about having to run for FIVE minutes, which then led to horror that I might have to run for TWENTY. If I’m honest, right now I don’t really believe I can do it, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep trying!

FOOD

I’ve cut my calories way back for 5-6 days a week, and then I’ve been eating more of what I want on that final 1-2 days, and it’s working so well. I’ve learned that my hunger signals are all askew and that I don’t really know what hungry means for me. I’m finally learning it though. I’ve also learned that eating some things only once a week or so makes them SO MUCH MORE SATISFYING that it’s worth the wait. It’s so much better than eating them all the time, losing the joy of having them, and feeling run down every day from all the food.

BODY IMAGE ISSUES

Today something happened that made me realize I’m not as far removed from my body image issues as I once thought.

At the gym, I had a guy make a comment that was meant to be a compliment. He’s seen me there before, and he complimented my form once. He’s a trainer there, and today he told me that he’d seen me there a lot and thought it was awesome that I was so committed to coming. I was pleased and flattered, said thank you, and felt smiley for the last few minutes of my workout. And then I got into the car, and I thought more about it. I decided that no one would compliment a fit person for coming to the gym all the time, that it was only the chubsters like myself who someone would feel needed the motivation, and that as such his intended compliment was really a back-handed one that simultaneously suggested I’m still just the fat kid.

Whoa. Right? My head, it’s a weird place to be sometimes. I’m just sitting with this right now, trying to figure out what it means and whether it even deserves further attention.

MY KID ROCKS

Strong EviYesterday Evi decided she needed to show me how strong she was, so every few minutes she’d show off her strong man pose. She wanted to show me her awesome muscles, and then talk about how lifting heavy things (but not too heavy!) made them stronger. She then proceeded to haul around anything she could lift for a while, and then we did some pushups together.

Last night in the bathtub, she was exploring her bellybutton. I explained to her that everyone’s is a little different, at which point she wanted to see mine. Her’s is a sort of half-innie half-outie thing, while mine is WAY an innie. I showed her mine, she stuck her finger in it and laughed. Then she observed that my belly was MUCH bigger than hers, followed immediately by “because you’re much bigger than me since you’re a grownup, and when I’m a grownup I want to be big and strong just like you.” No judgement. No concern. Then, lest we get too serious, she stuck out her belly, used it as a drum, and did the butt-wiggle dance she’s fond of these days.

This morning, we were sitting around in the morning and she decided we all needed to go on a family walk. SHE walked the dog (who we brought because Evi said the dog needed exercise too), pointing out along the way that walking AND walking the dog was making her body stronger. We walked for two miles, and she would happily have kept going, but the poor old lady that is our dog needed a break. I guarantee we’ll walk again around sunset.

All of this just makes me so… PROUD. I’m raising a little girl who loves to move, who thinks about the importance of strong bodies, and who uses her poofed out belly as a drum. I’m raising a little girl who tells me she’s proud of me when I go to the gym, who honestly believes fruit trumps cookies, and who gives championship hugs. She doesn’t care what my body looks like, only that I treat it well enough to have the energy to play with her.

Huh… well that unexpectedly put a new spin on that whole body image gym issue. See, sitting with it works. I think I’ll sit with it some more.

In the meantime, wander over to my last C25K post if you want a chance to get one of my favorite protein bars mailed to you!

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Notice

noticeSo a funny thing’s happened in the last few days, that has (for better or worse) coincided with an oncoming cycle of hormones to send me into a three day spiral of calorie consumption and couch-sitting.

I don’t know about correlation or causality here, but it’s certainly linked somehow.

In the past four days, I’ve seen four people who haven’t seen me in months. One of them last saw me maybe two months ago, and the other three haven’t seen me for at least 4-5 months.

So what happened?

Not one of them mentioned me looking different or better. Not one.

Look, I know that shouldn’t matter. I know that my progress shouldn’t depend on other people. That being said, they all know I’m trying, so if they’re not mentioning it then I can only assume they don’t see a difference.

So why not? I just feel like I’m doing something wrong, and while the lack of commentary from friends and family is magnifying that feeling, it’s something I’ve been feeling for a few weeks. I feel stagnant to some degree, and specifically on a dietary front. I’m happy with my workouts, but the food? It’s gone totally haywire. In fact, the past two days have been full scale ridiculous.

I need to figure something out, something fast and easy that keeps me satisfied but changes things up somehow. Help?

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