Category Archives: Half Marathon

The Cake is A Lie

the_cake_is_a_lie_515The cake is a lie. It isn’t even cake. It’s a vehicle to further solidify the truth I have created for myself right now, which is that I’m beyond saving. I’m too far gone. I’ve lost all of my motivation, slipped far from my health and fitness goals, and so now this is what I deserve. I deserve to eat a huge piece of cake, not because I’ll enjoy it but because the sugar will make me sluggish, and I’m not even that hungry, and it’s there so I might as well eat some, since that’s what I do.

And so I go to bed. Another day with too much sugar and not enough movement. Another night I’ve pushed myself to exhaustion before collapsing into bed to lie awake.

It’s become clear that my own well-being isn’t enough to motivate me out of this place. Not right now. And so instead, I’ll do it for her. Because I want to keep letting her spend one night a week in my bed, letting her believe it’s an indulgence for her when it’s just as much a treat for me. Because I want to feel alive and exhilarated and strong through every moment I get to spend with this fantastic kid. Because I want to have the energy to give her the attention she deserves in the precious few hours I get with her during the week. Because I want to keep up with her, challenge her, and teach her to own her own power.

20160523_174544For her, I’ll sleep more. I’ll hydrate more, move more, stretch more. I’ll do more yoga and meditation. I’ll stop mindlessly eating for punishment, for guilt, for boredom and sadness and stress and frustration and social ease. I’ll be mindful, purposeful, and honoring of this one body I have, that I get to share with the most amazing soul to ever walk this earth.

For her, I’ll recommit to my yoga practice, which does my heart and soul so much good.

For her, I’ll go back to Camp Gladiator in June, as planned. I’m scared to go back, terrified of the heat and the difficulty and returning after two months off. I’m worried I won’t be able to do it, that I’m so unfit that I won’t be able to finish the first workout, that the frustration will keep me from going back more than once, that I won’t go back at all. But I will. I promised her I’d go back, and so I’ll go. Because it makes me happier, healthier, better prepared to face the world with m very best.

It won’t be easy. I’m in such a rough spot that it’s going to take near-constant recommitting to my goals. I need to be prepared for gentleness, for patience, and for extra focus on being aware and in the moment as much as possible. But I have to remember I haven’t completely run out of sparks. I did do a half-marathon on an exercise bike to earn my first Hogwarts Running Club medal. (It’s awesome.)

It’s time. Summer is coming. My incredible kid is GRADUATING FROM FIRST GRADE. We’ve got a busy, fun summer ahead of us before starting a whole new school year. We’re looking at maybe moving, in the same area, but to somewhere a little closer to her school or a little closer to my office while still in the school district. My career is really shaping up beautifully, with a job I enjoy and work I am proud of. It’s time.

So help me out. Tell me how you climb out of a funk, what you do to get back on track, and how you handle setbacks in that process.

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The Secret of Change

The secret of change…

The truth is that I’ve been thinking about change a lot lately. Specifically, that I think it’s time for one. I injured my tendon, which led to a month off from bootcamp to let it heal. In that month, it was my job to wait for the pain to fade, and then focus on daily yoga to help stretch out my tight, overworked body and let things begin to heal more fully.

And maybe that’s what my mind needed too. So the pain began to lessen, and…I got bronchitis. For the 4th time in the last 3 years. I am a bronchitis machine, it would seem. And so I didn’t do yoga, and I shouldn’t have. I listened to my body. I took time off. I slept. I hydrated. I rested as much and as often as possible.

Two weeks later, when the exhausting hacking cough finally abated, I was finally ready to return to yoga…only to discover the pain was back, but different this time. Sharper, lower, less severe but more insistent. So I went back to the doctor and…my tendon is healing nicely, but it turns out that some of the pain was thanks to a build up of uric acid that has formed a sizeable crystal on my heel.

I’m taking a medicine to dissolve the crystal, but as it’s dissolving the pain is much worse and any impact or weight bearing is rough.

So it looks like I’m out another month until the crystal is dissolved. I’m super bummed about it, but sticking with daily yoga and doing the workout Mike sent me a few times a week.

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13 Weeks, 13 Miles

Thirteen weeks ago I started a walk training program to get me ready for my first-ever half marathon. Today I walk the race.

It might be the first time I’ve stuck with an entire training plan, and while I’m nervous, I’m also ready. I’ll be decked out in my ENELL ambassador gear, which I’m thrilled to have. I wouldn’t have comfortably made it through my long walks with that bra.

Even better, I’m walking with Dacia. She’s amazing, incredible, and a runner who volunteered to walk the race with me at my pace. I’m excite to earn my Santa Starfish medal with her.

Thirteen weeks. Thirteen miles. I can do this. I’m a little worried about fueling properly, but I’ll get that figured out with Dacia’s help.

For everyone who reads these posts, who follows along and offers support and friendship….thank you. I’m feeling oddly emotional about this whole thing and I’ll be thinking of you all.

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Habits That Work

For six days now, I’ve been working on morning meditations to help me focus on what matters most. It’s not about weight loss. It’s not even really about food, although my hope is that by channeling my energies into constant reminders that I AM ENOUGH, I’ll be able to sidestep many of the food issues that come with being an emotional eater.

So how’s it going? Well, I’ve made some pretty significant progress in terms of sugar cravings and crap foods. Have I had sugar? YES! But in those six days, not once did I find myself reaching for something out of emotional need. Sometimes I did the meditation only in the morning. Other days I did it several times through the day, depending on how much I felt like I needed it. The truth is that it felt pretty easy, and I began to think more and more that this was just a good couple of days anyway. We were off our routine, traveling, celebrating, etc, and maybe that got me out of my own head enough to make better choices. Not once did I have a stomach issue related to food, which has happened a fair amount lately.

And here’s the thing. By no means do I think that meditating every day means I’m never again going to eat emotionally, make bad food choices, and upset my colon. I know better. I’ve spent a lifetime doing this, and unlearning the habits doesn’t mean eradicating them. In the end though, I had myself pretty convinced the meditation wasn’t working. This morning, unintentionally, I forgot to do it. It was the Monday morning after a holiday and I wasn’t prepared to jump back into my morning routine. As such, the basic necessities of the morning – get dressed, pack lunch, walk dog – replaced any time for meditating.

I got to work, ate two pieces of pie and a candy bar, and then wondered what the hell had just happened. Is pie for breakfast a big deal? Not even a little. But I did it mindlessly, without ever thinking about whether it was what I even wanted. The pie wasn’t even very good. So yes, meditation works for me. It works incredibly well, and I’ll keep it up.

Half Marathon Training 

I walked ten miles yesterday! It’s the longest I’ve walked, and it’s also the fastest pace I’ve managed for any walk over 6 miles. My previously broken foot is a little sore today, and I definitely didn’t stretch out my hips the way I should have, but overall I feel great! I’m two weeks away from my big race now, and I’m feeling READY! I’m super grateful to be an ENELL ambassador for this race, since I’ll definitely need serious support to see me through 13.1 miles! So now I need advice about the race…

  1. Will there be regular water stations? I’d rather not carry my own if I don’t have to.
  2. My hands tend to swell a lot when I walk. Any thoughts on how to reduce this for the race?
  3. Do I eat? Do I not eat? If I eat during the race, what’s a good option for something easy to carry and eat while moving?
  4. If it’s fully charged, do you think my iPhone 4 battery will last through the whole race if I’m using the MapMyWalk fitness app?
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Repetitive Thoughts

I AM ENOUGHFixing my food isn’t working. Because I want to look better, feel better, do better, be better isn’t working. Because my body deserves it isn’t working. So it’s time for something new.

The human brain can be shockingly convinced of all sorts of things through sheer repetition. It’s long past time I look to the source of my problems, and a little dependency on my monkey mind might be just what it takes.

Remember Bjorn? Remember how she’s constantly doing and saying detrimental things out of a well intentioned place of both love and fear? Well, she’s my monkey mind and she’s terrified of letting go of the things I’ve learned to rely on when I’m scared or feeling out of control.

So it’s time I try to soothe her, to address the things she’s so scared of, with sheer repetition. I started this morning with a new kind of meditation.

I am enough, I have enough, I do enough. I am safe and loved. I make lives better.

Over and over, for as long as I can. Every morning. Because these are my fears, that I am slowly but surely failing the people that I love most. That at any moment I’ll be discovered for the fraud I sometimes fear I am. That all my efforts aren’t enough.

Slowly, day by day, I’ll repeat my truths. One day, I’ll hear them, accept them, become them. I’ll be focusing on the things I’m doing well, the ways I feel lit up, and leaving the rest of it behind. (MORE YOGA!)

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So how am I doing with Half Training? Not too shabby! I missed my long walk last weekend. It’s the first walk I’ve missed, 9 miles, and because of the holiday week I won’t be able to make it up before I’m due to walk 10 miles this weekend…so I’m letting it go. I feel good about having kept up with the training this long, and I know I can do this half. It won’t be as fast as I wish it could be, but I will finish and I’ll do so with a smile.

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Just Keep Moving

I’ve had some pretty fantastic walks lately.

racepics

The picture on the left was from a nighttime Color & Glow 5K I did a few weeks ago. I wasn’t super excited about the night race, and I do think they could have lit the path a lot better, but overall it was incredibly fun. I genuinely enjoyed the glow paint, even when I did get it in my mouth, and I got an incredible chance to talk to several women there about my love for all things ENELL. I even gave away one of my awesome ambassador slap bracelets. As an ambassador for ENELL, I’m super lucky because I get to talk about something I genuinely love, and they’re generous enough to pay for my race entry fees.

Overall the Color & Glow was incredible, but I might think again before doing another race at night. This one was over an hour from my house, so next time it’s closer or it’s a no-go.

Next up was the Oktoberfest 5K I did representing Jost Running. It was such an awesome experience. Not only did I earn a huge, beautiful medal, but I also got out there with my sister and her boyfriend, and even my mom’s dog! My husband and daughter joined us for the first three miles or so too. It was so much fun to have people to chat with the whole time and just get out and moving. And of course I used my incredible medal to open a cold beer (it’s a bottle opener too!) when we got home.

Jost has some great upcoming races, medals, and causes too, so check out their newest options:

Strength In Numbers: November is the month to give thanks, and this month we are choosing to use our miles to support of our service members, veterans, and their families and thank them for all that they have sacrificed in the name of our country. The “Strength in Numbers” benefactor is Courage Beyond at Centerstone – an organization that helps it’s members cope with post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and other mental and emotional struggles, after and during their service.

Let It Snow: We’re not afraid of winter, in fact, bring it on and LET IT SNOW!! This December, join us in racing for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and fighting blood cancers while pumping ours!

Finally, today was an eight mile training walk to prepare for my December HALF MARATHON walk! My dad took the kid fishing this morning, so my husband came out with me and we spent an awesome morning together. It was such a great way to spend time together. The weather was beautiful, the walk was awesome, and the chances to chat were perfect.

Physically, I struggled a little with this walk. I was feeling tired and dehydrated before we started, so I felt a little bad in the sun at the end of the distance. I was also having some pretty significant foot soreness in the foot I broke a few years ago, and I am a little bit worried about how to handle that for the half. My sister recommended the massage therapist at her spa, so I might try that out just to see if it helps.

Anybody else have issues with post-break pains?

Anyway, the thing is… I love walking. I love getting out in the fresh air and moving my body. I love the way it feels when I’m done, all sweaty and tired but not awful or ill. Walking and yoga and barre are SO my body’s ultimate choice of exercise!

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