Maddie the Coonhound - maddieonthings.comHey, did you know it’s JUNE? Cause whoa… it’s June. I’m trying to sort through all sorts of things about that, including what to call this month. Mindful March and Metamorphosis May set me up for wanting month names. I’ll have to think about that one, and I’m open for suggestions.

I’m also super scattered right now, so we get a bullet list.

  • Emmie sent this newsletter out today, and it was awesome. I’m definitely dealing with trying to redefine myself, both online and off, right now. I’m not actively losing weight right now either, although I’d like to. My focus is shifting to happiness and overall health, versus a number on a scale. It’s a nice, long overdue change, but it makes blogging feel… weird. I think I just need to settle into a new spot with blogging.
  • Katie (Fat Girl PhD) posted about the problem with scales. After that leading to a weird binge reading of everything she’s ever written and then stalking all of her social media accounts, I sat with it a bit. And, as should be no surprise by now, she’s so right. The scale is full of crap. Right now I feel better than ever, and I nearly derailed that feeling by stepping on the scale to see a gain. Well yeah. I’m eating food. I’m lifting more. I’m happy. Screw the scale.
  • Enter Heather Waxman with The Spiritual Diet. Wait, no. Start with The Healing Detox. I really did follow the post advice. I honest-to-god set myself a calendar appointment so that every day my phone reminds me that “My body is not a tool or object, it is a messenger of love.” I try to remember to make choice with LOVE in mind, and so far it’s making me very happy.
  • And then Jes. Jes, who taught me to love my body RIGHT NOW. Who promptly inspired my craziest Instagram post ever.

So how am I doing? I’m doing Pilates or yoga or strength training (plus at least a mile of walking for #walkwithmel) every day. I feel awesome. The physical activities I’m choosing make me sweaty. They make my body happy. They also fill my heart and soul. That’s BIG. Thanks to my incredible Pilates instructor, I spend every Sunday morning feeling amazing (if in some serious (good) pain) and getting gentle, much needed reminders that I AM ALLOWED TO TAKE UP SPACE. In fact, I need to.

I’ve joined up with Cassie’s #SuperSummer Challenge, which is helping me stay focused on ME. I spend a lot of time hashing out my issues and celebratory moments with my virtual bestie. Things are good. This is shaping up to be an awesome summer.

Joyful June? Joyous… jubilant… just… jump… juice… okay, now that’s just getting silly.

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Happy Memorial Day. I hope everyone is taking some time to be grateful for the meaning of the day, to enjoy time with family and friends, and cherish a relaxing weekend of hard-won freedom.

Today’s a great day for me. I’m home relaxing with the Kidlet, and thinking through what I want my summer to look like.

Summer Walk Challenge ButtonI joined Mel’s summer walk challenge. I saw the Runners World run challenge going around, and I’m definitely off running at least in the short term (and likely in the forever term), but I love being a part of a challenge. A mile isn’t far, and I’m not trying to do it all at once every day, since I know work will sometimes get in the way. Instead I just want to be committed to getting out there every day for intentional movement, even if I have to split it into two or three short walks to get the mile in.

Starting June 1st, I’ve also signed up for the 30 Day Yoga Challenge with DoYouYoga/YogaTrail, and the Back To Her Roots Summer Challenge, which results in an as-yet-undetermined prize! I’m also still sticking to my monthly goals, which shift a little each month based on where I’m at. One big one for the summer is MORE FRESH FOOD!

It may sound like a lot to take on (or it may not, I suppose) but I’m ready for it. This weekend was a perfect example of really staying in the moment, really living my life. Evi and I spent Saturday morning hanging out since Aaron had to work, and a good friend came to visit with her son in the afternoon. We blew bubbles, ran around in the yard, played freeze tag, and laughed a lot. We went out to a nice dinner, and the kids had so much fun.

Sunday was… maybe the best day ever. I woke up tired (Evi’s been having nightmares) and Aaron made me a cup of coffee. I finished it before heading out to my first ever Pilates one-on-one session. It was incredible. It was challenging too. Diane is amazing, and she helped me reaffirm my right to take up space. It was pretty powerful. I also learned that some lumps on my thighs that I’ve long blamed on my weight and cellulite are tissue knots I can break up with a masage bar. So I’ll be getting one of those. I cried for the five minute drive home because I just felt so open and released and like all the pain is both manageable and definitely short term.

I followed up that epiphany with a three hour hike with the family. It was asking a little too much of my legs, but I stopped to stretch a lot, stretched for over an hour when we got home, and felt great.

Then we finished our family day with ice cream from my favorite place.

Essentially, it was perfect. Today we’re hanging out at home in the morning while Aaron works, and then we’ll head out this afternoon to enjoy the sunshine again. It’s shaping up to be a great week, and with FitBloggin coming up, a Joyful June for sure.

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Karen, I love you.

So Much AwesomeThis duck makes me unreasonably happy.

I had my self-acceptance session with Karen today. It involved a few pre-work emails to help shape our session, then culminated today with a 1 hour Skype session.

We started with EFT. Honestly, it felt sort of weird and uncomfortable to begin with, and while I was fine with doing it I felt a little strange… and then.. it happened. All of a sudden, in a way I was never expecting, it opened up some really deep feelings. I cried a lot, in a very cleansing way. I tapped into some real trigger feelings for myself. I figured out some of the hangups I have, and finally got a glimpse of why I’m having such a hard time letting them go.

As the session continued, Karen helped me work through some really eye opening ways to change my thinking. It’s a bizarre realization when you begin to internalize that it isn’t EVENTS that cause FEELINGS. Instead it’s how we interpret those events, how we allow ourselves to think about them, that creates our feelings. Then, those feelings directly lead our actions. If I change what I allow something to mean, it changes everything that follows.

And suddenly, something out of my control, something that was done to me or taken from me becomes something I CAN control. The accountability of it is a little scary, but the potential behind it is nothing short of incredible.

I’ll be talking to Karen again sometime soon, and I couldn’t be more excited to see how things go.

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LIghtI finally had my coaching session with Mara Glatzel yesterday. I was so, so nervous to begin the call. I wasn’t sure what I would say, or what she’d want to talk about, or if it would be uncomfortable. Trust me, I worried for nothing. Talking to Mara was like talking to my best friend. It was easy, laid back. The topics just sort of developed on their own, and I felt free to say whatever I needed to. She asked questions, led my thinking a little, and helped me understand what I was trying to say. I felt understood. I felt heard. I felt lighthearted in a way that I haven’t in a long time.

I would highly, HIGHLY recommend signing up for a coaching session with Mara sometime soon. It’s just such a natural way to work through your thoughts. Even after one session, I felt so much more at peace in my own head. She gave me the opportunity, the permission to just be myself, to feel and think the things that I do without judgement. It was such a powerful experience. I was so happy to be able to speak to her, and I am hoping I’ll get the chance to do so again sometime soon. I will certainly be following up with her so that she knows how powerful the experience was for me.

I also wanted to send a big thank you out to a lot of my friends and connections. I’ve been working through a lot of stress lately, and I have had people just coming out of the woodwork offering help and love and support. I feel SO good about the life I am living when I look around me to find that I am absolutely encircled by this powerful group of people, all ready and willing to lend a hand however they can. It’s the best feeling in the world.

So go. Go check Mara out. Schedule a session with her, just to see how it makes you feel. Be prepared for some really beautiful moments. It all seemed so simple, so easy, yet I came away from it feeling so much lighter and easier in my soul. Even my husband commented on it, saying that I was noticeably happier last night. Now I’m even more looking forward to my session next week with Karen. She’ll help me work through even more of the thoughts and feelings that I struggle with, that I feel like hold me back, and by working with yet another incredible woman I’ll be getting that much further down the path of learning to LOVE myself more this year.

I’m also, as a result of all of this shifting thinking, rethinking my training goals. I will absolutely be moving often, setting an unofficial goal for myself that I do some strength and cardio every single day, but I may not be sticking as strictly to the running goals that I set for myself. I’m having a real struggle with running right now, and instead of constantly fighting it to the point that I dread every run, I’ve decided to be gentler about it. Being healthier works so much more efficiently for me when I stick to the kinds of things that make me happy, that make me feel good even when I am doing them. So, I am NOT giving up on running. Nowhere near. I am just stepping back from it a little. No more pushing for specific intervals or times right now. Just running when I can, when it feels good, when I want to, and making sure that the rest of the time I am still moving well and often, and fueling my body in a way that makes that movement possible.

I’ve been upping the fruit and vegetable intake this month, and I am definitely noticing some benefits there. I’m feeling more energetic, not dragging as much during that midafternoon slump, and feeling a lot more satisfied by my meals than I do when they lack produce. It helps that I had another cooking weekend, and we specifically sought out the kinds of recipes that easily incorporated a lot of veggies without making it feel like we were choking down grody greens. We did an awesome veggie lasagna, a super good chicken chili with lots of beans, and a lovely Greek beans dish too. All of them have been wonderful, and we’ve all really enjoyed the new flavors. Now we’re on to the plan for our next cooking fest, which will incorporate another friend with special dietary concerns like NO GRAINS and such. It will be a challenge, but an exciting one.

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Joy

No limitsToday is about joy. It’s a fight for me to keep it today, but I WILL, even if I have to hold on a little too tight. And the Universe, literally in this case, seems aligned to help me out.

Do you know why I’m so fond of the time-space continuum, Heather?

Besides that I thought it up…

Besides you being in it…

Besides puppies and kittens…

It’s because it can all seem so logical… so predictable… so real, when you want it to. Or, in the twinkling of an eye, you can choose to remember it’s not.

Keep it up, love -
The Universe

Get your Notes from the Universe, or check out what Brave Girls Club had for me today:Frankly, this couldn’t be a better day for my coaching session with Mara, or to start up my Acceptance Whispering with Karen, or to work on my Unravelling Workbook. I’m poised for big changes, bright and shiny new things, and I’m ready to take them on. I’m ready to put my authentic self out into the world and see what it gives me in return.

It’s scary. If I’m authentically me and someone doesn’t like it, I can’t blame it on my body or my hair or my attitude. It’s ME, the real and true ME, that they don’t like. I CAN, however, recognize that it’s simpler than all of that. Not everyone will like me. It means nothing. Maybe it’s a personality clash. Maybe it’s unmanifested insecurities from one party or the other. In the end, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t take anything away from ME. In fact, it throws into sharp contrast the absolute beauty of the people who DO like me, who share their lives and smiles and struggles with me in the same authentic spirit I offer to them. It gives me the opportunity to be that much more grateful for the people who care for me, and for whom I so deeply care in return.

So no more of what I “should” be or what I think I need. This year is all about LOVE for myself, right? So really loving me the way I deserve? It’s going to mean brutal honesty. It’s going to mean taking risks, putting myself out there in bold new ways, and finally having the courage to ask for what I really want from the Universe.

So if you’re reading this? I’d really like you to check in. Just say hi. Know that I’m so pleased to share my journey with you, and I hope that you share yours too.

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#yogaaday Childs PostHappy New Year! We’ve had a great day so far. We started the day with some mommy & me yoga, watched Despicable Me for the first time, and ordered pizza for lunch. We had a dance party, have a walk planned for after lunch, and I’m headed to the gym at nap time.

I’ve spent some time this morning looking over my goals for the month of January and… I’m a little worried I’ve overloaded myself. I’m going to try and get through them all and we’ll see as the month goes on. I can always juggle, revisit, and replan. There are just a few non-negotiable things: fruits & veggies, exercise, and some meditation or yoga to quiet my head.

Frankly, I’m excited for this month. Roni’s DietBet starts tomorrow. Today is the first day of a month of NO DESSERTS too. I thought about doing no sugar at all, or no sweets, and then I thought about how many extreme challenges I’ve failed at in the past, and scaled it back to no desserts. Specifically, no: cookies, cake, brownies, candy, chocolate, fudge, ice cream, donuts, bars. Basically, I’m specifically seeking out the kinds of things that tend to lead me to overeating, and not allowing them this month. My goal is simply to break the addiction so that I can go back to normal eating and enjoying some sweets, instead of my current state of constantly craving desserts at every meal and in between.

I’m also continuing with YogaADay, doing 31 Days, following the Wellness Calendar, and a whole lot more. I’m aiming to get back to Gorilla Workouts, do 10,000 steps every day with my FitBit, and write a little (just for me) every day.

What are YOU doing this month to help feel balanced?

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New Years BokehFirst, a review of my 2012 list.

  1. Two REAL, childless dates with my husband – done! We took a day off and went to the movies, and then spent an unexpectedly good day together on my colonoscopy day.
  2. 300 miles logged – According to DailyMile, I logged 505 miles this year!
  3. 4+ days of exercise every week (allowing a few weird weeks) – I am sure I could look back and figure this out exactly, but I feel good about the frequency of my workouts overall.
  4. Increase fruits & veggies – Definitely did this one, thanks to some great cooking!
  5. Decrease sugar intake – I was successful with this sometimes, but overall didn’t back away from the sugar enough, which is why I’ll be giving up desserts entirely in January.
  6. Read five of the 100+ books I have sitting in my study – Yeah… not so much.
  7. Improve my career by either finding a traditional full-time job or improving my freelance situation – Did that for sure!
  8. Run/walk at least two charity events – I did the Warrior Dash for St Judes, but never got a second event in.
  9. Pay off one credit card or other debt source – Nope.
  10. Take more pictures – I walked a fine balance here between living more and still documenting. I’m happy with this one.
  11. Spend some time studying my Italian – I think I studied maybe twice through the whole year…
  12. WARRIOR DASH – just finish it! – I did so much more than finish! I conquered.
  13. Spend more than 12 hours in NYC – Not even close. I’ll be spending about 6 hours in Philly this January though…
  14. Make at least five recipes from my Pinterest vault – Oh yes! Our favorites:

2013 Please Be AwesomeFor 2013, I’ll be focusing on monthly goals instead of setting a whole year’s worth of goals right now.

JANUARY    

I’ll also be hoping to get in a date day with Aaron at least every other month, see my family at least twice, and take Evi on an adventure to do something cool and out of the ordinary. I’ll be participating in this year’s Warrior Dash again too!

 

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I couldn’t resist the chance to reflect on some great questions that will help me focus on a singular purpose for the new year. LOVE. Love for myself above all. To help me focus on that goal, and to frame the ways in which I’ll be best able to keep that goal in mind when setting smaller or more ambiguous goals about food or health or personal time, I thought this was a perfect set of questions.

Light13 Questions for the New Year

1. Because I wanted to make 2013 count, I… am setting a specific goal to love myself more.

2. Because fear of failure was no longer a good enough reason to not do it, in 2013 I… pledged to run a marathon in November.

3. Because I listened to the whispers inside, in 2013 I… will focus more on what I really need.

4. Because the things that brought me joy in childhood still do, in 2013 I… will sing more, dance more, color more, move more.

5. Because simple pleasures are so rich, in 2013 I… will spend more time away from the computer.

6. Because my body has served me so beautifully all these years, in 2013 I… will find a way to save up for at least one Pilates reformer session with the incomparable Diane.

7. Because the world needs my service, in 2013 I… will volunteer, somewhere, somehow, to do something that helps others in need.

8. Because of the remarkable people who have loved me and made me who I am, in 2013 I… will promise to stay open and honest with the people I love, ask for help and support when I need it, and GIVE support at every opportunity.

9. Because I am willing to believe in the power of forgiveness, in 2013 I… will genuinely let go of grudges, big and small, and set free the bitterness that sometimes collects.

10. Because the silence has gone on long enough, in 2013 I….will be more active and vocal in supporting the humanitarian causes that matter to me.

11. Because I am so blessed, in 2013 I… will remember how much I have to be grateful for, particularly on the days when I feel like the Universe has forgotten or mistreated me.

12. Because I vowed to be more radical, in 2013 I… will give up desserts in January, and maybe beyond. I will submit my manuscripts to publishers again.

13. Because I wanted, in the last days of my life, to remember this year with tears of gratitude, in 2013 I… will take risks, speak truths, and hug more people. I will stop measuring my success in the opinions of others.

 

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Mommy Daughter DayWe had a lovely, laid back Christmas. We all got exactly what we wanted and then some. I walked away with a car charger for my phone, a Tardis journal (geek), a light up umbrella (nerd), and a beautiful necklace. Aaron got the watch he wanted and a new wallet. Evi landed a massive haul of awesome presents that included a dinosaur tracker kit, a model pirate ship kit, and a spin art set. So now that it’s over, I’m warding off the post-holiday blues by trying to plan ahead.

I know it’s ridiculous and cliche. I know it’s what we all say we’ll do. I know I do it every year… and yet, this year as I rehash my goals and progress, as I decide on what I’ll be aiming for in the new year, I feel different.

For the first time, this doesn’t feel like a New Years Resolution. It feels like another step forward on my path. It feels like the continual revision of my goals and the tools I use to reach them. It feels like a sorting out of what works for me, what doesn’t, and how to best stick with the things that work.

So today, on my final holiday vacation day and an awesome Mommy/Daughter day, I’m not eating all the cookies. I’m not bingeing on the Italian Mascarpone Torta that I shouldn’t have bought. I did eat a piece of that cake, and it was as delicious as I expected it to be.

Instead of mindless eating, we made spin art. We flew an inflatable rocket ship. We read books about volcanoes and storm systems and space. We practiced roller skating. We did yoga together. We watched Happy Feet. Now she’s napping and I’m prepping for a ballet workout DVD, because it’s the sort of workout that keeps me feeling centered but still works me hard.

When she wakes up, we have plans for monkey dress up, dinosaur tracking, and piano mat dancing.

Moving forward, I have plans to keep my goals as monthly ones, shifting my priorities as life and time change what I need. I’m definitely putting reading (just for fun) and MORE VEGGIES on my list for January. I’ll still be doing bi-weekly cooking fests with my friend, so hopefully we can come up with some fast, easy, easily stored/fridged, veggie-packed meals for the next few rounds of Foodmageddon.

I just have to remember what all of this is for. It’s not about looking better in a bikini, or even in my jeans. It’s not about being faster or thinner than anyone else. It’s not about winning, it’s not about sexy. It’s about that little girl. It’s about her precious monkey face and her perfectly healthy body. It’s about feeding her with the kind of love that creates strength. It’s about keeping instilled in her the lesson she’s already learned: moving is fun, exercise is awesome, fruits are better than cookies. Those lessons will slip away easily if I don’t fight to help her keep them, and in the process of making those choices, we will ALL benefit.

Also? I might give up dessert for January. I shy away from radical stuff like that because it has, in the past, led to disaster… but I’m still thinking about it. I’ve gone from an occasional, satisfying dessert to wanting something sweet every day, and from there to wanting something sweet with every meal, and from there to 80% of my food being some sort of carb, usually high in sugar. The more I eat, the more I want. So I’m considering going cold turkey on the cookies, cakes, brownies, pies, ice cream, etc for a month… just to see how I feel. I’ll take any advice.

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20: reminisce [GROW] – What distant memory/time did you find yourself longing for in 2012?

Santa EviGiven the time of year, I think it’s obvious to say that I’m thinking nearly constantly of Christmas with family. The past few years, being tucked in at my parents’ house and watching Evi discover a warm and happy Christmas… it’s tearing me up pretty badly to know that this year it will be just the three of us. I can’t think of the last time I spent Christmas without my parents, and I hate even more that Evi won’t be seeing them either.

There’s no changing it though, so instead I’m trying to focus on making this an awesome Christmas at home for Evi. I want it to feel magical. I want her to be amazed and overjoyed and full of Christmas wonder. Fortunately she is both awesome and three, so filling her with wonder is an easier task than it might otherwise be.

I also have to get my own head in the game, or at least in the right way. Last night, as I sat listening to Christmas music and wrapping all of her presents, I was really struggling with guilt. Thinking about the bazillion presents under the tree at my parents’ house, remembering the sheer space it all took up, then looking at our tiny pile of gifts under our fake tree, so small that it sits atop our coffee table… I was overwhelmed by it all for a moment. Had I gotten enough for her? Were they the right gifts? In a moment of hormone fueled panic, I suddenly cast a baleful eye on the gifts I’d picked out with such excitement only a few hours earlier. Suddenly they seemed cheap or lame and I worried that she’d hate them.

And then I punched myself in the face… metaphorically. Trust me, someone needed to do it. Here I was, sitting in my warm house with Christmas music playing, wrapping pretty paper around presents that my daughter is going to lose her tiny mind over. See aforementioned three and awesome? She’s still so full of the joy of living. Things are still new and amazing and impressive for her. She loves gifts. She loves Christmas. She’s getting all three of the gifts she asked for from Santa, which is going to absolutely thrill her. We’re going to make cookies for Santa and the reindeer. We’re going to spread magical reindeer food. We’re going to send Gagoo the Elf off in style. I may even be inspired to shake some jingle bells outside her window in the wee hours. I still have to figure out how to make reindeer tracks. I think I’m going to go with a potato stamp for it, and then also roll some marshmallows in edible glitter and put them out as reindeer poop too!

Oh man, now I’m getting super excited about all of the ways I could turn this into a super awesome memory for Evi. See? It’s all about resetting my head. Now I’m making plans for ways to make this seem really magical for her. Who knows? Maybe one day she’ll be answering a WeVerb prompt about her own favorite memories, and the special touches I add will be what she remembers about Christmastime at home. I just want her to feel loved and surrounded by joy. We’ll listen to Christmas music, eat cookies for breakfast, and play with toys in our pajamas all day long. We’ll go to Grandma’s house in our pajamas. Huh… maybe I need Christmas pjs…

So now yes, I’m remembering cozy Christmas days at home with my family, but now I’m inspired to make sure Evi has memories like those for herself too, and in searching out ways to make this a unique experience for her, I will end up turning it into another special memory for Aaron and I as well. When we focus on making this a time for family fun and love and silliness, which are all the things we do best as a family anyway, we’re going to end up creating our own incredible Christmas traditions that will mean none of us will spend the day wishing we were anywhere else. We’ll Skype with my family, complete with our messy hair and pajamas, and we’ll share all of our awesome gifts and Evi will explode with toddler Christmas joy. Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I feel like there is nothing better than our tiny, affordable Christmas at home… unless of course I could get my parents there too.

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