source: nataliedee.com

I haven’t posted recently because I was too busy planning the Toddlerette’s birthday party. I waited for the end of the semester, which meant her party was 18 days after her actual 2nd birthday, but it was well worth the wait since it meant being relaxed enough to get the party planned, the cupcakes made, and have a good time without worrying about studying or homework.

Waiting also means I saved you all from reading a panic stricken, defeated, Armageddon style post about this semester’s grades. I finished Calculus with a B and Bio 2 with a C, leaving my GPA at a 2.5. After meeting with the assistant dean of medicine at Georgetown a few weeks ago, I know that I have very little chance of getting into any of the medical schools I want with less than a 3.6, so I ran a few calculations to figure out what I had to do in order to raise the 2.5 into a 3.6 by the time I leave the post-bacc program.

The answer? All As. Okay, one B… but the rest? As. ALL As.

Commence panic. I spent the good part of last week freaking out, knowing that I’ll never be able to pull off all As, and that there is only a tiny likelihood that I can manage an MCAT score so stellar that it makes up for the GPA. I’ll never get into the schools I want to apply to (and, for many complicated reasons, need to apply to) and I may not be competitive for any schools anywhere. I’ll have a hard time getting in, which means several extra years of work or school to make it easier to reapply with some success. I’ll be spending even more time just getting to medical school, and the clock is tick-ticking as it is. The medical schools I could get into assuming a lesser GPA will require a complete overhaul of our entire lives, uprooting my family, asking my husband to take on even more stress and financial burden, costing us money, and likely taking us away from our only source of income. I’ve totally screwed us and our future plans by sucking at biology.

…and then I found myself at the zoo, sitting in the shade on a beautiful spring day with my arms wrapped around the most beautiful two year old on the planet as she snoozed, utterly at peace, on her momma who she loves more than anything in the world. My husband, my strong, supportive, loving husband smiled beside me, marveling at how much he loves our family. I watched my brother and his wife and son as they explored the zoo exhibits… and something occurred to me.

I can do this. I can do whatever it takes. I can work as hard as possible. I can revise my battle plans, change my study tactics, reinvent my academic skills, and I can do this. I will keep taking classes. I will do the very best that I can. When it comes time to apply to medical schools, I will evaluate my chances and plan from there. If it means a school I wasn’t originally considering, which also means somewhere that will turn our lives upside down, then we’ll figure that out when it comes. The best I can do is all I can do. I WILL get into medical school, and I WILL make a better life for my family, for that precious little girl.

So take THAT, potentially ridiculous academic panic. All the things I was panicking about may still be true, but the key is that none of them matter. I will do my best, and I will find a way to make that work. I have the best support system in the world, and with their help this is going to happen. It may not happen my way. It probably won’t happen my way. It WILL happen.