Jumbled

I’ve got a ton going on right now. I’m in line for my first ever week of three strength workouts, and I’ve done better and better about produce. On the other hand, sugar remains a serious issue and my sleep habits have become downright dismal. I can’t fall asleep, I can’t stay asleep, I wake up exhausted.

Work is getting increasingly busy right now, which is good for the passing of time on my work days, and exciting because it is giving me the chance to stretch my talents. Honestly, I’m loving my job and my team here at work, and it’s exciting to get a feel for where it could go in the long term. I feel like this is definitely the sort of fit in terms of work, team, and management that could easily be long haul. Which is incredible because I never want to apply for another job. ┬áThe whole process is heinous.

All that is to essentially say that I’m doing well overall, and that my brain is in no state to produce a cohesive story arc here, so instead you’re getting a bit of a brain dump in the form of some pictures I’ve been saving because they spoke to me, and some commentary on those pics.

unnamed (1)This one came from my buddy InTheThickOfFit on Instagram, who has been a tremendous inspiration for me in terms of yoga. She’s also equally nerdy, which I love finding out. Essentially, anyone who gets the super nerd reference in my screen name is forever solidified as one of my people in my head.

So on to my thoughts on the pic. It’s been sitting in my email for weeks now… “And suddenly you just know it’s time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.” Whew. It’s sort of a loaded one for me. Living here is new. This job is new. A lot of what’s going on in my life right now is new, and the confirmation that I need to relax and trust the process was a good one for me to hear. I’m still feeling a little unsettled about the move, with everything shifting so quickly, and I’ve had a hard time getting into a predictable routine. Routine makes my days easier when Aaron isn’t here to help, so I’m still feeling shaken by everything. I’m working now on trying to breathe more, sleep more. I want to get back into the meditation I was doing pretty regularly in MD, because I was finding it incredibly helpful in centering me, particularly on tired or stressful days.

unnamed (2)This one’s from Stephanie, and is another one that hit me hard. There are some obvious connections to parenting here, as my precious infant angel child is seconds away from starting KINDERGARTEN with her pierced ears and fourth grade reading level and lacrosse camp and first pedicure and grown up taste in listening to NPR in the mornings. She’s growing up so fast, and I’m doing everything I can to be as present as possible while that happens. She’s too incredible to miss out on, and she helps me remember what really matters in every day.

It’s about me too though. It’s about making sure I’m taking time for myself, getting down time, getting enough sleep. It’s about allowing myself time for creativity and writing, for pursuing my yoga, for making sure I don’t slack on my strength training. Because NOW is the time, right? NOW is what matters most. It’s a lesson I have to learn over and over again, particularly as I have a tendency to worry. I know it doesn’t help, but sometimes I can’t help it. The more I concentrate on right here, right now, the more I benefit from those moments and the less space I have to entertain all the what-ifs and who knows parts of worry.

unnamedThis one totally came from one of those ridiculous internet quizzes. Which Tarot Card am I? Apparently (or, as the kid would say, apparNENTly) I’m the magician. Hells yes. I see things. I make things happen, impossible things even! And maybe, just maybe I really do.

I’m not even 100% sure why I saved this one, except that at the time that I saw it I felt lit up by it so I filed it away with the other images that I felt connection to.

And now as I’m looking through these three, I’m seeing a continuation of theme. Be here now. Let things happen. Trust in myself, my own particular brand of magic. As my kid continues to remind me, the world IS magical, and it looks like all signs point to me needing to PAY ATTENTION. So now I’ve got my antennae up, and I’m doing what I can to keep my eyes open. There’s something coming, it would seem, and big or small I want to not miss it.

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2 thoughts on “Jumbled

  1. You’ve got this! Maybe more than anyone else I know.

    Now about the sleep: as a lifelong insomniac I have hints to try.

    -magnesium, zinc and calcium at bedtime. Most drugstores have a bottle with all three of these together. The magnesium physically relaxes muscles… and the combo works as well as ativan for getting me deep sleep. Without the side effects!

    -on a night when you’re hubby is home: put in earplugs. They don’t have to be tight fitting. You just want to be able to hear the rhythm of your own breathing.

    -dark, cool bedroom. No screens at all for 30-60 minutes before you go to bed.

    • Thanks, Deb! I may try earplugs. I’ve tried headphones before but can never get them to sit comfortable. Do you take the mag/zinc/calc at bedtime or before?

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