Emergency Detox

Coffee vs. MilkIt’s 5am and I’m lying in bed, eyes barely open, thinking about my coffee. Coffee I’ve gotten into the habit of lacing with 2tbsp of store bought, sweetened creamer.

You see, I love coffee creamer. We had it in the house over Christmas because my family uses it, and it got me back into the habit. I’ve used it every morning since then.

Now, I’m sitting on my couch. It’s 6:08, and I’m nursing the last of my coffee…with no creamer. Just almond milk. All of a sudden. No planning. No announcement.

I’m going on an emergency sugar detox. Why emergency? Why now? I’m sick of feeling sick. Yesterday, after a great and satisfying breakfast and some healthy snacks, I had a bad bad bad food day. I drank too much coffee because I was exhausted. It was over sweetened because I was at work, where the coffee is awful. I also had a piece of delicious, whole wheat, chocolate cherry zucchini bread.

And then I had fried fish from a food truck for lunch, followed by a piece of pie I didn’t really want but ate because it was good and sweet and…there.

And last night, I thought I would die. I was so SO nauseated. Frankly, I have NO DOUBT that it was the fish. So why am I on a sugar detox after eating bad (or atleast way too greasy) fish? Where’s the connection?

Sugar makes me crazy. Sugar makes my brain short circuit. Sugar leads me to all kinds of unpleasant food decisions. The more sugar I eat, the more I want. It also dramatically increases my likelihood of choosing fatty, greasy, fried, processed foods too. And so, still queasy at the memory of last night’s stomach fiasco, I’m done.

I’m tapping out on the constant sugar consumption. It’s not going to be easy, but I’ve done it before and loved the results, so I’m jumping in this morning with no preparation. No creamer in my coffee. No sugary cereals. I’m on the fence about a few things, like peanut butter and that whole wheat zucchini bread. Instead of a full on NO SUGAR detox, this might begin (mostly because of that no preparation thing) as a “no trigger foods” detox – no candy, no chocolate, no baked goods, no fried things, no more expensive and never good enough food trucks.

In any case, I’m putting on the brakes. I’m slowing down from this whirlwind journey into darkness I’ve been hellbent on the last week or so. I’m done spiraling. I hate spiraling. I’m pulling it back up, exposing all my darkness to the light, and offering it up.

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