Guys. I am so tired.
I really, really love my job. I’m excited because I’m busy and challenged but not crazy. I’m supported, the environment couldn’t be a better fit for my personality, and I think it’s the perfect fit for me. I’m still nervous about doing well in the job, but it’s just because it means so much to me that I want to do the Best. Job. Ever.
I’ll have more to say about my job sometime soon, although it’s starting to look like blogging might become a weekends-only thing. I hope anyone still reads.
So. This week has pretty much been chock full of trainings and meetings and a ton of work to do. I’ve done ZERO exercise. I’ve been taking the stairs in and out of the subway stations, which is significant… I’m managing 15-20 flights of stairs a day. I’m taking laps around the office in between meetings. Next week we’re out at a planning conference (which will include yoga, running, and a kick clinic!) and then I’ll start up with lunchtime gym sessions since we get a cheap Golds membership and it’s right across the street.
But then there’s food. Oh man. The food has gotten SO BAD. So bad. I’ve had McDonalds twice this week. I’ve eaten at least ten donuts. I ate an entire calzone at lunch on Friday, and then a piece of cake. I’ve had tons of candy. Some of it is that there is ALWAYS food at an office, any office. Some of it is logistics too. I’m getting home super late and sometimes it’s just too much to think about cooking at all. Most of it, though, is that it’s back to my old routine in terms of coping. I’m overwhelmed. I’m scared I won’t rock my job. I’m tired and still adjusting to the schedule. I’m feeling guilty about seeing Evi for about 20 minutes every day. So I’m eating, and I’m doing it intentionally. Today, for the first time in a long time, I ate until it hurt.
I am making an effort again. I worked out a little bit today. My food was a train wreck, but at least I got moving. I bought some “easy” dinners for this week that won’t win any awards for health but will at least keep us away from the fast food dinners. I just… I don’t know what to do. Every day I commit to it being the day that I change. I remind myself of all the progress I’ve made, of how much better I feel when I’m eating well, of how happy it makes me to treat my body well, and then I get off the train, walk into the store, and buy donuts. I eat them fast, sitting at my desk, hoping no one notices.
It’s not good, man. Not good.
Sis- you were my first inspiration to make changes… I really need you to make your health the first priority- for yourself first & for Evi second, the words you say to her will not hide what she sees- I know it is so very hard- dragging this 55- yr. old, 185 lb. body out of bed at 4:45 am, making 4 to 6 boot camps a week + 5k’s about every 2-3 mos. & climbing those stairs is sooooo hard – but I am worth it & you are even more worth it!!!! It isn’t too late to nip it- PLEASE LOVE!!!! I love you with every bit of my heart💓 mom
McDonalds Southwest salads…grilled…still fast, still convenient…380 calories (I think). I’ll even make you a deal…I’ll pay for them if you just bring me the receipts when you come to cook with my wife. You’ll feel better from the nutrition and the removed guilt…and they’ll be free…and you’ll keep my wife honest….win-win-win-win. Deal????
I love both of you SO MUCH. I’m going to put together some casserole-type recipes tonight and plan our next cooking adventure.
Well, right back at you. The cooking adventure is great, but as far as this coming week goes…McDonalds is bound to appeal as a quick fix for food…just know that you can choose healthy and eat for free…if you feel guilty for some reason, I’ll start a curse jar at our house and you can call me bad names and fill that jar up until Rita’s opens and we take your daughter for some shaved ice or whatever she likes there.
Just wanted to tell you that I have had weeks when I’ve eaten much like your week, but the difference is I’ve never had the courage to journal a week like that. I just fell off MFP, or even thinking about what is going in my mouth. You should feel good about that commitment to honesty with yourself. I think it says a lot about how dedicated you are to your health, and makes me sure you will find a way to overcome this challenge.
I’ve been reading the book “Women Food and God” this week. Have you read it?
Thank you. I am trying. Every day, I’m trying. Lately, I’m starting over every day, but at least I’m doing that I suppose.
I haven’t read that book. I’ve heard about it but, honestly, I’ve avoided it because I’m not religious at all. Let me know what you think of it? Maybe I should rethink.
The book is incredibly compelling. I put it down sometimes because it is so true that I am scared of it and don’t want to think about it. But then I pick it up again. It’s not about that kind of God — she is not religious in the classical sense of the word. It’s more about the cycle of lifelong battle with being “good” about food and how it relates to our general fear of being alive (and dying). I’m going to send you a copy, you know, for all your abundant free time.
In the meantime, hang in there. And yes, take that lunch break while you still have the chance to lay down the precedent!
Aha! It was YOU! (Sorry, I just saw this comment!) Can’t wait to start reading.