Guys. I am so tired.
I really, really love my job. I’m excited because I’m busy and challenged but not crazy. I’m supported, the environment couldn’t be a better fit for my personality, and I think it’s the perfect fit for me. I’m still nervous about doing well in the job, but it’s just because it means so much to me that I want to do the Best. Job. Ever.
I’ll have more to say about my job sometime soon, although it’s starting to look like blogging might become a weekends-only thing. I hope anyone still reads.
So. This week has pretty much been chock full of trainings and meetings and a ton of work to do. I’ve done ZERO exercise. I’ve been taking the stairs in and out of the subway stations, which is significant… I’m managing 15-20 flights of stairs a day. I’m taking laps around the office in between meetings. Next week we’re out at a planning conference (which will include yoga, running, and a kick clinic!) and then I’ll start up with lunchtime gym sessions since we get a cheap Golds membership and it’s right across the street.
But then there’s food. Oh man. The food has gotten SO BAD. So bad. I’ve had McDonalds twice this week. I’ve eaten at least ten donuts. I ate an entire calzone at lunch on Friday, and then a piece of cake. I’ve had tons of candy. Some of it is that there is ALWAYS food at an office, any office. Some of it is logistics too. I’m getting home super late and sometimes it’s just too much to think about cooking at all. Most of it, though, is that it’s back to my old routine in terms of coping. I’m overwhelmed. I’m scared I won’t rock my job. I’m tired and still adjusting to the schedule. I’m feeling guilty about seeing Evi for about 20 minutes every day. So I’m eating, and I’m doing it intentionally. Today, for the first time in a long time, I ate until it hurt.
I am making an effort again. I worked out a little bit today. My food was a train wreck, but at least I got moving. I bought some “easy” dinners for this week that won’t win any awards for health but will at least keep us away from the fast food dinners. I just… I don’t know what to do. Every day I commit to it being the day that I change. I remind myself of all the progress I’ve made, of how much better I feel when I’m eating well, of how happy it makes me to treat my body well, and then I get off the train, walk into the store, and buy donuts. I eat them fast, sitting at my desk, hoping no one notices.
It’s not good, man. Not good.