I’ve skipped the gym twice this week because I was so tired. Normally, I get out of bed and that means I’m going to the gym. I get up early enough to spend a half hour or so on the computer waking up, then get out the door. Tuesday and today? Just too tired. This morning I still felt nauseous and unable to keep my eyes open after ten minutes, so I went back to sleep. I don’t love missing workouts, but sometimes it happens.

None of that is what I’m worried about. Apparently, I’m under some sort of secret ninja stress. I peeked out in Tuesday night’s stress dream (couldn’t find Evi when I went to pick her up from daycare) and manifested fully this morning.

I’m sorry, but what the HELLO KITTY is that? That was straight up, intentional emotional eating… but I don’t know WHY. Lately I’ve been pretty good (I thought) about monitoring my emotions, and it’s kept me from this kind of crazy, panicked, fake-medicinal eating. I’m trying to sort out what’s got me feeling like this, but I just don’t know.

The only thing I can think of? Success with running… which, hey there, issues. I printed out a 10K training plan on Monday, planning to just keep going once the C25K training is over and go for a 10K too. I started looking at runs to register for again. I actually talked to my mom about a half-marathon sometime in the next calendar year.

I don’t think that’s ALL of it. Work is a little chaotic right now. Money is more than a little tight. There’s stuff like that in there too… but the more I think about it (and the less I want to admit it) the more I honestly believe it’s my good friend self-sabotage. I was sort of hoping I was done with this issue, that my success had gone long enough with relatively no interruption that I’d someone outgrown the unconscious need to destroy/undo my achievements.

I’m going to sit with it today… try to make sense of it somehow. (thanks again, Tara, for another useful post)