“I will be chasing your starlight until the end of  my life… I just wanted to hold you in my arms…” – Muse, Starlight

source: le.ac.uk

I remember it clearly, hearing this song at the gas station.  It played loudly over the speakers, so loudly that the sound was a little distorted.

It was just a few days after we’d lost Aodin.  We were coming home from… I don’t know, somewhere… and I was still in a fog emotionally.  I remember hearing the song, and that line made me cry and cry.  I just wanted to hold you in my arms…

Last night I was lying in bed, almost asleep, when the moment popped into my head.  Not just the song, but the whole moment.  I could see the dashboard blur as tears filled my eyes.  I could hear the fuzz from the overhead speakers and smell the tang of gasoline.  I cried a little then, trying not to wake Aaron as tears soaked slowly into my pillow.

This morning I was in the mood to listen to the song again, and something new caught my attention.  As I heard the sound of my daughter beginning to stir in her crib, as I felt the familiar excitement welling up at the thought of going in to see her sleepy, smiling face…

You electrify my life.

My little girl, my joyous spirit of love and laughter… not a day goes by that I don’t miss your sweet brother, but you really do electrify my life.  You make everything worthwhile.  You make me want to get off the couch and work up a good sweat, study hard to get the best grades, keep a home full of love and laughter.

So to my children, as different as they could possibly be, thank you for being my starlight.

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Things to check out today:

Stomach shredder September

English sparkler beats champagne

City style: Prague

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