I’ve been brewing a post for days now. A post about the barre classes I’ve been taking. A post about the beginning of half marathon training. A post about how I feel just a little bit sad lately.
This is none of these posts, or all of them. It’s just a collection of where I am, what I’m up to, and why any of it just might matter.
I’ll Be At the Barre
So barre class? I hated the whole idea of it. I took the 10-class coupon I had, and I figured it was worth a shot. I went into it knowing I wasn’t the type of client they market too, knowing I didn’t look the part, and fully expecting to dislike it. As ought to be no surprise, I wasn’t disappointed. I found the focus on weight loss and body type to be ridiculous. I found the fact that everyone was thin and young and wearing a particularly expensive brand of yoga tights and the same blousy tops and sparkly grippy socks to be obnoxious at best. I was frustrated by the lack of modifications offered for new students. In fact, I was frustrated by a general lack of guidance or explanation from the teacher throughout the class.
But here’s the thing. The workout? Was sort of great. It was incredibly hard, but I wasn’t sore beyond some smallish aching the next day. I felt amazing when I was done, I was covered in sweat, and my heart rate monitor said I worked hard. Still, I didn’t particularly want to go back. I went to the second class, and then to the third…and somewhere along the way I started to like it. It’s weird. I still am not a huge fan of the atmosphere or the focus on thin bodies (a common instructor “encouragement” is “the higher the toes, the thinner the thighs – funny since my toes are higher than most) but the way I feel when the workout is done is probably worth the weird. Too bad there isn’t an option for a similar workout with more of a body love message involved. If the franchise in question focused on strength and health benefits versus thin thighs and “that tank top area” I’d be a lot happier spending my money there. Since the classes are stupid expensive, I’ll likely be asking for gift cards for birthdays and holidays and using those as I can. So no regular attendance for me, but when I can go I likely will.
So what happened to Nerd Fitness? Sadly (particularly in light of the cost of the program) it’s just…not for me. The workouts take over an hour every time, and making that happen three times a week was taxing and stressful for me when I was still trying to get yoga and walking in too. The time was a big factor, but might have been less so except that the workouts were SO BORING. SO BORING. Repetitive. Not fun. Every single time it felt like this huge chore and I found myself dreading every minute even when I was in the middle of it. I haven’t 100% abandoned the idea of it yet, but I’m stepping back from it for now in favor of yoga and barre when I can, plus my half training.
Clean It Up
I’m still having issues making the right food choices, and lately my cranky colon has been misbehaving quite a bit. Clearly what I’m doing is NOT working, so it’s time to make some other choices about my food. I think it’s time for a bit of a reset with some nice, clean foods so I’m planning to undertake a super real world cleanse authored by my yoga hero, Erin Motz. After looking through all of the recipes, it’s super manageable. Nothing requires a ton of cooking or prep, and none of the ingredients are rare or bizarre. It’s all real food too. No crazy eat only cabbage days or anything.
So here’s the thing. I went with this because I trust Erin as a yogi and a normal human being. She eats happily, enjoys food, doesn’t restrict herself to any particular category. In other words she’s doing what I’d like to do, so I think this is the right choice for right now. I’m a little worried about making it work with my work schedule and Aaron traveling, but I want to at least try it out. I might have to make some substitutions, particularly in light of the fact that my office provides my lunch and I don’t really want to forego free lunch in favor of buying food. So we’ll see how that works. It’s only ten days, so it might just mean ten days of salads from the work cafeteria, which is fine with me honestly. It’s easy.
My half training started this week. Monday was a rest day so I walked an easy 30 minutes yesterday. It was a great day to start because we had a morning dentist appointment. We got out of the house earlier than planned and had time to kill, so we went to a park right next to the dentists office and circled the empty basketball courts for half an hour. It was perfect because the kid could come with me when she wanted to, but since it was gated off she could also run around the court or sit and read when she got bored/tired of walking with me. I wish she could be with me every time! I’m due for a super easy 20 minutes today and it’s incredibly rainy, so I’m trying to figure out when I’m going to make that work. I might just take the kid and dog for an evening stroll the moment we get home, rain or shine, since I don’t see it happening any other way.
Here’s the thing. I love walking. It’s calming. It makes me happy. It eases the various aches and pains I tend to collect from sitting at a desk all day. Even the weird back pain I had after barre class #2 was made better by walking. As long as I’m wearing the right shoes, my previously broken foot behaves itself too, so there’s zero downside. The half training program I’m doing is great too, because none of the weekday walks are more than 45 minutes, so I’ll be able to do them on my lunch break without an issue, and without getting drippy with sweat. I did go fancy and sign up for the Training Peaks version of the program, which has a lot more detail and can be synced to my Google calendar, so that’s awesome. I’m really, really looking forward to repping ENELL at the Holiday Halfathon in December, and for once training isn’t something I’m dreading or hating or trying to get out of.
But I am Le Sad
Yeah. I am struggling with a little bit of sad right now. It’s a combination of stress, not quite enough sleep, a traveling husband, hormones, and the realization that our new Florida home means no “real” fall season. Fall has always been my favorite, so this is weird to say the least. I’m fine, really, and I’m monitoring the situation with care to make sure I stay that way.
So here’s the thing. What it takes to keep me feeling fine is a lot of love and support. It means reaching out to friends and family. It means asking for help. It means spending a weekend away with my incredible husband at the wedding of some of my favorite people. We’re very lucky to have travel points from all his work travel to spend so that we can go. Being and staying alright means making sure regular yoga happens nearly every day, for the sake of my body and my mind. It means drinking more water and less coffee. It means blogging even when I don’t feel like it, because sometimes getting it all out is what it takes to keep perspective.
Push the Limits
Karen posted this on Facebook today and I loved it. I don’t always do well with pushing my own limits, testing the boundaries, and revisiting my long held theories about my own abilities and habits. The more I think about it, the more I feel like I’m letting time pass me by. I don’t have a lot of time to give, but what I do have could often be put to better use. It’s tough because I’m not a believer in the idea that I should never read or watch television or veg out without purpose. It’s not, for me, about constantly filling every second with things I deem to be “better” or “productive”. Instead, it’s about the constant push to listen to my body and my mind and my soul. It’s about filling my time with the things that really feel good to me in that moment. So yes, sometimes that will mean sitting on the couch. Sometimes it will mean extra yoga, or a workout class, or making a salad.
And here’s the thing. There are bigger things that I want too. I want more yoga in my life, and I’m planning and plotting. So here’s where I ask something of you in return. Will you share your yoga questions and concerns in the comments? Will you tell me what you struggle with, what you’d like, what would have to change for you to want to do yoga? I need to know…for reasons.
One Last Thought